Alicia Keys

Holla Party Criminals,

We know it has been a while since we last graced the internet pages of the universe, however we have come to the unfortunate conclusion that our blog isn't all that we hype it up to be, and as such have lost quite a plethora of motivation to keep providing you with boundless wit and grace, and as such, keep you interested past four lines. But if, in fact, you really do love us as much as we love ourselves, then keep reading for more inspired words of wisdom.

Lamest Haka Ever

Ok, its fair to say if a pack of New Zealanders are in a dark alley doing the Haka and promising to bring a swift demise to you and your loved ones, you would be knee deep in a pile of your own poo. And it's also fair to say, if you seen the above bunch of New Zealanders from the 70's (an alleged time of splendour and happiness), you would not be standing in your own poo, and would be rather utterly confused and a little bit ill. How that is intimidating is beyond us, it's more of a cross between a Riverdance and Mardi Gras. Poor form 70's New Zealanders, poor form indeed.

First World Problems
1: It rained today and I had to walk home in the rain
Comparison: Poor people don't have rain

2. Our oven smokes up every time we use it, no matter how much we clean it
Comparison: Horn of Africa cook their food on rocks. Like a hot rock, except, just a rock.

3. Our sweet Mos are more Babe Repellent that Babe Bait
Comparison: In the Horn of Africa there has been a recent outbreak of Alapachea, and as such they have no Mos, or any hair for that matter

4. Today, when at work, there was some intense highlighting going on and I chose pink, but I really should have chose green
Comparison: Theres no paper in the Horn of africa, also there are no jobs, so therefore no need to highlight anything

Review Immortals
Starring: A bunch of Old Greek Gods, The new Superman, Mickey Rourke and Angus Stones misso
What Happens: The shiny Gold Gods are fighting against Micky Rourkes beard and forlorn looks. They send the new Superman with his massively oiled body to fight his beard because they have more pressing matters on their hands like trying to get that Ferrero Rocher back that allegedly fell from the Heavens. (According to Ferrero Rocher). In the end theres some massive wave that they all try to body surf but because Superman is all oiled up he just slicks through and then floats to the top. Then everyone has a big party with lots of gold and then theres an orgy and then everyone is happy. The End
What we think: It's 300ish, with oil and gold. Hopefully Angus Stones missus is in it more and someone punches Micky Rourke in the faaaaaace
Score: 13 Greek Gods out of the entire amount of Greek Gods

Thanks for watching
Ouuuut