Even though the year doesn't officially end (according to the bureau of statistics) for another couple of days, we thought we would conclude 2011 with one last outstanding effort of literature. Be warned though, this will be one mammoth blog, so make sure you have no plans, your babies are locked in their rooms, or cars if you're a shit parent, and get ready to reminisce about the good times that happened over the past year.
The Beginning of Le Bat Cave
The story of how the Batcave come about has been shrouded in mystery for centuries, but we will finally reveal all its secrets. Prior to August 2011, when us pair of rebel renegades formally announced that the residence would be known as Le Bat Cave, there were a pair of ladies living here, and they had named it Chateau Marmont. While we are all about the french and their baguette eating ideals, this name wouldn't fly while we were around due to our lack of candles and Japanese art on the wall. In other terms, we morphed the chateau into a man cave. From this point on we have been living our lives without a care in the world, trying to lure babes and trying to get to the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2012, having coffees and drinking Captain Morgan.
Whats Happened?
From memory loads of stuff happened but we won't go through every single little thing and just give you the highlights
1. Mugabe (Zimbo dictator) was the Inaugural winner of Last Dictator Standing. He fought off some some stiff competition from the little puppet out of Team America, who coincidentally is now a stiff himself. This achievement was no small feat as most of the African Leaders were wiped out in round one.
2. Summer never came. There are a number a reasons why this has occurred. Meteorologists will give you some bullshit excuse about some Spanish war princess named La Nina but there are only two really plausible reasons. The first is that we went out and bought a portable air conditioner, and the second is Julia's Carbon tax has actually worked. I'm pretty sure we aren't paying a tax to bring about the swift return of an Ice Age though Julia, Sort. It. Out!!
3. In the last blog we gave you a super exclusive about JP4, which turns out was not quite correct. That was only a first draft written by George Lucas, and we all know the last Indiana Jones was an absolute sham job, so Spielberg has informed us that he is re-writing it personally and he has given us the inside running of what the script will actually contain. A more accurate way to sum up that last sentence is he gave us 5 options of what might be in the script, and we have good news; they are being based on movies that have been made already!!
a) Schindler's List: Just like Santa, Schinder had a list. Schindler was a nice German who saved thousands of Polish-Jews from that gimp Adolf. Schindler will be played by a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and he will eat Nazis.
b) Dinosaurs vs Predator: The dinosaurs have eaten all the humans, the Predators turn up, the dinosaurs eat all the Predators.
c) Valentines Day: Pretty much the same plot, except the men are played by Velociraptors and the ladies are played by whoever played them in the last Valentines Day movie.
d) Apollo 13. This classic about that space mission that nearly made it to the moon but run out of petrol will pretty much be the same except all the people at Houston will be played by Dinosaurs and the disaster was created from the dinosaurs poor workmanship.
e) Mad Max. Mel Gibson is pretty much a dinosaur, so it's pretty much a reshoot.
4. Foo Fighters and Wombats rocked our worlds. Yep, they did.
So that's it, that's pretty much all that happened in the last year. On a more specific Bat Cave related note, we have christened the Bat Cave. And I think that should be the biggest highlight of all.
And because we know you love them so much, here are the final movie reviews for 2011.
Tower Heist
Starring: Zoolander, The guy from Eddie Murphy's Raw, Ferris Bueller, The old dude from Mash, Ben Afflecks little brother
What Happens: The title of this movie is pretty much a massive spoiler alert. Zoolander and his mates have been dudded by Hawk Eye or Hot Lips or whoever the hell he played in M*A*S*H, who has stole all their Rolex watches and shoes. The guy from Raw, who has been in gaol previously because he literally stole 45 cats from a pet shop, tries to morph the band of merry men into a SWATesque unit through the use of outdated humour and volume enhanced talking. In the end, Hot Lips has a heart attack because he is about 110 years old, everyone gets their shoes back and they live in the tower forever.
What we think: Great line-up of comedy gold, plus a tower and a heist. What could be bad about this? Not enough total babes is the answer, where are the babes?
Score: An Empire State Building out of the Eiffel Tower and Centrepoint Tower
Tin-Tin
Starring: Computers
What Happens: This is every Rangas wet dream, a hero with red hair. Based on the character written by some Belgian fella, who may or may not have been a Ranga himself, this film sees the title character travel across deserts on a yacht. He also travels across water on yachts. This kid travels everywhere by yacht. His mission, if he chooses to accept it, which he does, is to fight baddies from his yacht with his dog Scotty or Snowy or whatever, and to just generally have a fun time on his Contiki Tour of Europe.
What we think: Honestly, it's about time a Ranga has been in the spotlight as a super action star. Nicole Kidman and Pippi Long Stockings definitely don't count as heroes. Nor does the Sherminator. For a movie made by computers it doesn't look too bad really, plus it will be a major draw card for all those with a panache for sailing.
Score: 17 tinnies out of 26 rubber duckies
Ok, that concludes this years blogging. Hope you've enjoyed it more than we have writing it. What a pain in the arse. Don't expect it to get better in 2012, but expect it to come back anyway.
And remember, New Years Eve is all about getting one last shot away with the babes, so get out there, offer champagne and be real classy so when midnight rolls around you are in with a shot to 1. Get a smooch, 2. Seal the Deal
From your friends at the Bat Cave
Good Night
Thursday, 29 December 2011
Sunday, 18 December 2011
Christmas Special
Welcome to the Official 2011 Christmas Blog from Le Bat Cave.
Generally we are pretty generous, but because this is Christmas we are going to be super generous and give you all the best christmas present ever, an Exclusive!!
Exclusive!!!! Jurassic Park 4
It's been a number of years since the last installment of this franchise, and because the Hollywood Brains Trust has turned its attention to not coming up with original concepts, we are travelling back in time a gazillion years to when dinosaurs ruled the earth, with their tyranny and dirtbag attitudes. So whats the exclusive? Well we have the actual plot of the movie that Steve Spielberg has come up with.
Plot: The fourth movie takes place 125 years after the last movie. (For those of you who can't remember, the third movie (an absolute classic.....) took place on a different island, a party island. The humans decided they'd try and make dinosaurs party, the dinosaurs partied alright, by eating all the humans and then drinking all the wine.) Having realized that bringing dinosaurs back to life using mosquito jizz was probably as about as smart as trying to drown fish in water, the humans have come up with an even better idea!!! Dinosaurs in space. In the 125 years since the last film, a young college student has trained his pet Triceratops to fly a spaceship with his gang of misfit mates. His mates are a T-Rex, a little green thing that ate that dickhead from the Second Movie, and 4 Velociraptors who have now learnt to communicate through texting and facebook rather than making those ridiculous sounds.
From here they fly about the solar system looking for trouble, and by god they find it, in the form of an exotic alien race hell bent on Universal Domination. They have big space ships and they have big laser guns. Cue gun fights, drama, comedy and just realistic terror.
We don't want to spoil the movie for everyone, but its pretty obvious that the dinosaurs win and turn the aliens into their personal slaves. The dinosaurs then go home and eat all the humans for sending them into battle with the aliens. Spielberg will fill in all the logistics and technical jargon with his usual cutting edge script writing and plotting.
This movie will be a cross between Star Wars and The original Jurassic Park, and we are guessing it will be the fourth highest grossing films of all time. Don't tell anyone that we told you this as it's a massive hollywood secret
Now, because we are all about the internet and what information that it holds, heres some things we have recently found:
I'm Santa and I Know It
Bad Lip Reading
Drunk Kitchen
Alright we are more hungover than usual and this is a God forsaken Ordeal!!!! So Have a Merry Christmas, if that's what your into, if you're not, get a life. And we might see you before the New Year, just to cap off the year where this blog was created and turned the world on its head......Or just did nothing
Generally we are pretty generous, but because this is Christmas we are going to be super generous and give you all the best christmas present ever, an Exclusive!!
Exclusive!!!! Jurassic Park 4
It's been a number of years since the last installment of this franchise, and because the Hollywood Brains Trust has turned its attention to not coming up with original concepts, we are travelling back in time a gazillion years to when dinosaurs ruled the earth, with their tyranny and dirtbag attitudes. So whats the exclusive? Well we have the actual plot of the movie that Steve Spielberg has come up with.
Plot: The fourth movie takes place 125 years after the last movie. (For those of you who can't remember, the third movie (an absolute classic.....) took place on a different island, a party island. The humans decided they'd try and make dinosaurs party, the dinosaurs partied alright, by eating all the humans and then drinking all the wine.) Having realized that bringing dinosaurs back to life using mosquito jizz was probably as about as smart as trying to drown fish in water, the humans have come up with an even better idea!!! Dinosaurs in space. In the 125 years since the last film, a young college student has trained his pet Triceratops to fly a spaceship with his gang of misfit mates. His mates are a T-Rex, a little green thing that ate that dickhead from the Second Movie, and 4 Velociraptors who have now learnt to communicate through texting and facebook rather than making those ridiculous sounds.
From here they fly about the solar system looking for trouble, and by god they find it, in the form of an exotic alien race hell bent on Universal Domination. They have big space ships and they have big laser guns. Cue gun fights, drama, comedy and just realistic terror.
We don't want to spoil the movie for everyone, but its pretty obvious that the dinosaurs win and turn the aliens into their personal slaves. The dinosaurs then go home and eat all the humans for sending them into battle with the aliens. Spielberg will fill in all the logistics and technical jargon with his usual cutting edge script writing and plotting.
This movie will be a cross between Star Wars and The original Jurassic Park, and we are guessing it will be the fourth highest grossing films of all time. Don't tell anyone that we told you this as it's a massive hollywood secret
Now, because we are all about the internet and what information that it holds, heres some things we have recently found:
I'm Santa and I Know It
Bad Lip Reading
Drunk Kitchen
Alright we are more hungover than usual and this is a God forsaken Ordeal!!!! So Have a Merry Christmas, if that's what your into, if you're not, get a life. And we might see you before the New Year, just to cap off the year where this blog was created and turned the world on its head......Or just did nothing
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Voldemort
If you are an avid reader, you will recollect that a while back we made some outlandish accusations about making life goals and then completing them. True to form, we can't remember what we actually said we were going to do, and couldn't really be bothered to go through the excellent reading material in search of what we wrote down. So we'll just start again and now inform you we have only one life goal. Just one, but it's quite large. Get a ticket to the 2012 Victorias Secret fashion Show. We don't know if it's possible to fall in love multiple times (as we don't bother with love) but we're fairly sure that we fell in love at least 56 times in 42 minutes. It's love, or lust, nope, definately love.
There will be certain steps that will need to be taken in order to accomplish our goal. We only have a year, but with the following tactics we are sure to reach our goal:
1. Become Celebrities
- The quickest way to become a celebrity would be to go on Big Brother or Burgo's Catchphrase. Or this blog needs to take off, but really, the only blogs that are worthy of free tickets to anything are the ones that rag on celebrities, so in essence that is both hypocritical and ironic. Plus we prefer to rag on people we've actually met.
2. Donate a tonne of money to Alzheimer Research
- Believe it or not we googled the easiest way to get a ticket to the show and the first answer was to donate $25000 to Alzheimers. Whilst we are all for the charitable donations of funds to poor kids, bits of coral and any old mug with a limp and a bad haircut, that is an excessive amount of money to be giving to charity. It is tax deductible, but we arent taking loans out to give money to people who forget they were given the money anyway. We could just tell them we donated it, and because they can't remember getting it, they would just agree politely. (much the same as when you can't understand someone, so you just say "yeah" and smile).
3. Get in a loving relationship with one of the models.
- I don't think our personalities are going to get us through this one.
4. Become Rockstars
- Seal. Adam Levine. Old mate from Kings of Leon. There's a trend there. The unfortunate part is that we are as musically challenged as a deaf mute and our only encounters with playing sweet tunes are from our primary school days where we learned guitar and clarinet. One of us played Grandmas Feather Bed at a school concert, let's just say the crowd wasn't yelling out "Encore", they were more concerned as to why a 9 year old was putting on a deep southern accent to belt out the chorus line. And i've never heard of any clarinet players making the big time, but we don't usually run in those circles, so maybe there is a massive underground clarinet movement taking the world by storm................yeah, right.
I think that should cover it. Getting our 15minutes should ensure a ticket, and then we can just melt away into the abyss
Now, to our next topic: Luring women. We haven't touched on this in a while, and it's about time we updated you all on our success......cough......It will actually be more of a guide of what women really don't want to hear. Actually, we should right a book called "How not to pick up women"
"Do you want to come back to my place?" This does work, but not to strangers you haven't laid any ground work with. Its like trying to eat cereal without a bowl and a spoon. You need a bowl, minimum.
BC "Do you want some chips?
Lady: "No thanks, I don't eat maccas chips?"
BC " Oh, ok, how bout some sex then?"
Lady: *Stonecold silence*
First dates to Maccas, as well as the offering of Maccas will get you nowhere. After all, whens the last time Ronald McDonald got any action? His choices are a man who wants to steal his possessions, a literal bird and a big purple blob.
BC "Do you like my moe?"
Lady "Not really, it looks seedy"
BC "Well, it's not, do you want to touch it?
Lady "Ok"
Lady "It feels worse than it looks"
BC "It doesnt look as bas as yours"
Lady *Walks off*
Moes are great babe repellant. That is all
Alright, enough of that. Stay tuned for the next episode where we will travel to Borneo and film ourselves getting lost, eating Pandas and using our survival skills we learnt one night in Parramatta.
There will be certain steps that will need to be taken in order to accomplish our goal. We only have a year, but with the following tactics we are sure to reach our goal:
1. Become Celebrities
- The quickest way to become a celebrity would be to go on Big Brother or Burgo's Catchphrase. Or this blog needs to take off, but really, the only blogs that are worthy of free tickets to anything are the ones that rag on celebrities, so in essence that is both hypocritical and ironic. Plus we prefer to rag on people we've actually met.
2. Donate a tonne of money to Alzheimer Research
- Believe it or not we googled the easiest way to get a ticket to the show and the first answer was to donate $25000 to Alzheimers. Whilst we are all for the charitable donations of funds to poor kids, bits of coral and any old mug with a limp and a bad haircut, that is an excessive amount of money to be giving to charity. It is tax deductible, but we arent taking loans out to give money to people who forget they were given the money anyway. We could just tell them we donated it, and because they can't remember getting it, they would just agree politely. (much the same as when you can't understand someone, so you just say "yeah" and smile).
3. Get in a loving relationship with one of the models.
- I don't think our personalities are going to get us through this one.
4. Become Rockstars
- Seal. Adam Levine. Old mate from Kings of Leon. There's a trend there. The unfortunate part is that we are as musically challenged as a deaf mute and our only encounters with playing sweet tunes are from our primary school days where we learned guitar and clarinet. One of us played Grandmas Feather Bed at a school concert, let's just say the crowd wasn't yelling out "Encore", they were more concerned as to why a 9 year old was putting on a deep southern accent to belt out the chorus line. And i've never heard of any clarinet players making the big time, but we don't usually run in those circles, so maybe there is a massive underground clarinet movement taking the world by storm................yeah, right.
I think that should cover it. Getting our 15minutes should ensure a ticket, and then we can just melt away into the abyss
Now, to our next topic: Luring women. We haven't touched on this in a while, and it's about time we updated you all on our success......cough......It will actually be more of a guide of what women really don't want to hear. Actually, we should right a book called "How not to pick up women"
"Do you want to come back to my place?" This does work, but not to strangers you haven't laid any ground work with. Its like trying to eat cereal without a bowl and a spoon. You need a bowl, minimum.
BC "Do you want some chips?
Lady: "No thanks, I don't eat maccas chips?"
BC " Oh, ok, how bout some sex then?"
Lady: *Stonecold silence*
First dates to Maccas, as well as the offering of Maccas will get you nowhere. After all, whens the last time Ronald McDonald got any action? His choices are a man who wants to steal his possessions, a literal bird and a big purple blob.
BC "Do you like my moe?"
Lady "Not really, it looks seedy"
BC "Well, it's not, do you want to touch it?
Lady "Ok"
Lady "It feels worse than it looks"
BC "It doesnt look as bas as yours"
Lady *Walks off*
Moes are great babe repellant. That is all
Alright, enough of that. Stay tuned for the next episode where we will travel to Borneo and film ourselves getting lost, eating Pandas and using our survival skills we learnt one night in Parramatta.
Saturday, 26 November 2011
I'm seeing a Buddhist about it
"If its got tits or tyres it's gonna cause you trouble"
"If I'm not wasted the day is"
Yep, that just happened. Instead of formally greeting you, and welcoming you back to more excellent life updates, we thought we'd just drop a filthy daisy cutter of a knowledge bomb on you all. The above quotes are from actual people, other than us, who have been to the Bat Cave. I know it's hard to believe that there are other people out there who can contribute such profound wisdom to the internet, and planet earth for that matter, but it is true. I know, we struggled to believe it at first as well, but then we realised, the more we actually plagurise off other people, the less effort we have to go to to write these blog updates. And after all, isn't that what everyone in the world wants? To do less, but achieve more. Bang, more wisdom.
Review Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
Starring: Tom Cruise, Simon Pegg, token Asian Kung-fu chick, Jeremy Renner, some bad guys, and a ghost
What Happens: This is the 4th time round for poor old Ethan Hunt a.k.a Tom Cruise. Every single time that this guy leaves the house, someone is trying to shoot him in the face. Is that anyway to live? This time though, shit has really hit the proverbial fan! He has been banished to Dubai with his band of merry men after some terrorist organisation blew up something and blamed it on Ethan. The same Ethan that has saved the world 1.6 billion times. If I was him i would be fed up. While in Dubai, they go on a Ghost hunt, because the Ghost stole some kind of medicine from the government, but the Ghost turns out to be Jeremy Renner dressed in a bed sheet using a series of pullies and levers to give the illusion of a Ghost. Much like Scooby Doo. Stuff happens and then everyone runs down a building. Simon Pegg tackles the asian bird and then the movie ends with Ethan saying he's done for good now. (Yeah, right, Champ!)
What we think: Sex & The City 2 with less action. They filmed them back-to-back in UAE when SJP and the gang were doing whatever chicks do in the UAE.
Score: 4 Crazy Oprah moments out of Maverick
We actually have some sad, actually, DEVASTATING news now. (No don't rejoice, we are going to keep writing until the internet runs out of room) Movember is coming to an end. I know, I know. These awesome things that keep our upper lips warm during, well, kind of nice weather, will be shaved off in sinks around the world tomorrow, and the babes will be sad. So very, very sad. We were talking to some ladies last week, and they thought our cool 'taches were the bomb. A few even touched them, saying how nice they were and if they could take us home. Now those days are behind us, and we have to move into December knowing that no-one (with fashion sense) will be seen with a mustache until November next year. But never fear, November will come around next year, due to the linearity of time, where we go forward in time in a linear progression. Until worm holes are actually proven, like when Stephen Hawking gets off his arse and puts it into gear, this will remain true.
Ok gang, this was just a filler cos we didn't have that much important rubbish to write about in November. Maybe we are maturing? Maybe we are becoming lazy? Or maybe we just don't care. Who Knows? But what is important to know is that this will be the last sentence in this update.
Monday, 14 November 2011
Alicia Keys
Holla Party Criminals,
We know it has been a while since we last graced the internet pages of the universe, however we have come to the unfortunate conclusion that our blog isn't all that we hype it up to be, and as such have lost quite a plethora of motivation to keep providing you with boundless wit and grace, and as such, keep you interested past four lines. But if, in fact, you really do love us as much as we love ourselves, then keep reading for more inspired words of wisdom.
Lamest Haka Ever
Ok, its fair to say if a pack of New Zealanders are in a dark alley doing the Haka and promising to bring a swift demise to you and your loved ones, you would be knee deep in a pile of your own poo. And it's also fair to say, if you seen the above bunch of New Zealanders from the 70's (an alleged time of splendour and happiness), you would not be standing in your own poo, and would be rather utterly confused and a little bit ill. How that is intimidating is beyond us, it's more of a cross between a Riverdance and Mardi Gras. Poor form 70's New Zealanders, poor form indeed.
First World Problems
1: It rained today and I had to walk home in the rain
Comparison: Poor people don't have rain
2. Our oven smokes up every time we use it, no matter how much we clean it
Comparison: Horn of Africa cook their food on rocks. Like a hot rock, except, just a rock.
3. Our sweet Mos are more Babe Repellent that Babe Bait
Comparison: In the Horn of Africa there has been a recent outbreak of Alapachea, and as such they have no Mos, or any hair for that matter
4. Today, when at work, there was some intense highlighting going on and I chose pink, but I really should have chose green
Comparison: Theres no paper in the Horn of africa, also there are no jobs, so therefore no need to highlight anything
Review Immortals
Starring: A bunch of Old Greek Gods, The new Superman, Mickey Rourke and Angus Stones misso
What Happens: The shiny Gold Gods are fighting against Micky Rourkes beard and forlorn looks. They send the new Superman with his massively oiled body to fight his beard because they have more pressing matters on their hands like trying to get that Ferrero Rocher back that allegedly fell from the Heavens. (According to Ferrero Rocher). In the end theres some massive wave that they all try to body surf but because Superman is all oiled up he just slicks through and then floats to the top. Then everyone has a big party with lots of gold and then theres an orgy and then everyone is happy. The End
What we think: It's 300ish, with oil and gold. Hopefully Angus Stones missus is in it more and someone punches Micky Rourke in the faaaaaace
Score: 13 Greek Gods out of the entire amount of Greek Gods
Thanks for watching
Ouuuut
We know it has been a while since we last graced the internet pages of the universe, however we have come to the unfortunate conclusion that our blog isn't all that we hype it up to be, and as such have lost quite a plethora of motivation to keep providing you with boundless wit and grace, and as such, keep you interested past four lines. But if, in fact, you really do love us as much as we love ourselves, then keep reading for more inspired words of wisdom.
Lamest Haka Ever
First World Problems
1: It rained today and I had to walk home in the rain
Comparison: Poor people don't have rain
2. Our oven smokes up every time we use it, no matter how much we clean it
Comparison: Horn of Africa cook their food on rocks. Like a hot rock, except, just a rock.
3. Our sweet Mos are more Babe Repellent that Babe Bait
Comparison: In the Horn of Africa there has been a recent outbreak of Alapachea, and as such they have no Mos, or any hair for that matter
4. Today, when at work, there was some intense highlighting going on and I chose pink, but I really should have chose green
Comparison: Theres no paper in the Horn of africa, also there are no jobs, so therefore no need to highlight anything
Review Immortals
Starring: A bunch of Old Greek Gods, The new Superman, Mickey Rourke and Angus Stones misso
What Happens: The shiny Gold Gods are fighting against Micky Rourkes beard and forlorn looks. They send the new Superman with his massively oiled body to fight his beard because they have more pressing matters on their hands like trying to get that Ferrero Rocher back that allegedly fell from the Heavens. (According to Ferrero Rocher). In the end theres some massive wave that they all try to body surf but because Superman is all oiled up he just slicks through and then floats to the top. Then everyone has a big party with lots of gold and then theres an orgy and then everyone is happy. The End
What we think: It's 300ish, with oil and gold. Hopefully Angus Stones missus is in it more and someone punches Micky Rourke in the faaaaaace
Score: 13 Greek Gods out of the entire amount of Greek Gods
Thanks for watching
Ouuuut
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Harry Potter and the Hot Dog Flavoured Water
Evening all,
Welcome back. Tonight's episode will be brought to you by total and utter soberness. And let me tell you, it is tough. It has taken us 34mins to come up with what we have so far. No wonder Hemmingway was a total drunk, and alleged sex pest. How the heck J.K Rowling wrote an entire series of autobiographies while not drinking at least 1Litre of Captain Morgans Spiced Rum every morning for breakfast is beyond us. And J.R.R Tolkien!!!!! That guy had to travel back in time and then remember what he saw, and then try and make it half interesting. But we will try and gather our thoughts and continue on with more of what you come to expect, a waste of perfectly good internet space for Porn.
Lesson 1: How Chimps make the best Wing Men
Chimps are basically lazy cavemen that refused to evolve. Whilst they have the knowledge and know how to make a timber hut in the rain forest, they lack the knowledge to count to six. But they have one grace, they are the Ultimate Wingmen. Because they are lazy and eat snails, they are mistaken as French, which lures the ladies in from miles away. When they realise it is a chimp, and not some tour guide from the Arc De Triumphe, they then have no other alternative but to ask you where you have acquired this cute little thing, and thats when you bombard them with sweet lies until you are back at your Home Turf with some Marvin Gaye in the background, and of course, the chimp on the video camera. Another bonus is that Chimps aren't fussy and will consume Banana Smoothies for every meal.
Lesson 2: Never trust anyone with a bumbag
If you have ever met any one wearing a bumbag, you will know there is just something quite not right with them. First of all, is it a fashion statement? Is there anything in the bumbag? We used to have bumbags, to carry marbles, when we were 7, maybe all these bumbaggers are in the ultimate marble tournament? Maybe thats where they keep there I.D. Or maybe thats where they keep all the hair they collect off the ground. Whatever the reason, use the stranger danger principle, and only take candy if its still in it's original packaging!
So what should you be on the lookout for? Well the typical bumbagger resembles your garden variety chav or Stereotypical Eastern European thug, wearing their trackie dacks and MC Hammer hair do, even though they are albinos and its often quite hot. They all have one lazy eye, a big gold chain and a menacing attitude. If you see any one matching this description run. Like super fast.
Lesson 3: Tricking Women into marrying you
Recently we had the opportunity to fool one of our unsuspecting friends into becoming engaged to someone who resembles Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory, in both looks and general personality traits. We should really write a book on this topic, but that would take too long and I don't think you can have a book with only one page. Anyway this is how it went down:
The Babe was informed, using various technological techniques, that she was coming to the Batcave for a bbq. She thought it was going to be a dude ranch, all the more enticing for a lady. She was then driven down to the general Batcave area where she was then informed by her lover that she wouldnt be made to stay in the confines of the illustrious Batcave with its magnificent Ottomon, but rather a quaint little hell hole up the road. When they drove past this she was then informed that hell holes were so 1990, and therefore she was going somewhere nice. She still hadnt realised that she wasn't coming to Batcave (every babes dream). Long story short: Using various magic tricks and misdirection she was proposed to and then accepted this charitable offer.
So how did we help? Well basically lying like it was going out of fashion. So the following is a list of our lies, actually lets call them tricks:
- BBQ. We don't own one. George Foreman grills our meat.
- Dude Ranch. As if.
- Starts at 7. We werent even home.
- Invite friends that she could facestalk.
- That our lamps are semi-functioning. We actually have a lamp cemetary, where lamps go to die.
So in the end, love conquers stuff. But don't worry chicks, these Batcavers won't be getting married anytime soon, so just calm yourselves down.
I think that's pretty much enough information that can, and will, be provided at this stage of our lives.
From this disgustingly disturbing creature, have a good time doing things
Welcome back. Tonight's episode will be brought to you by total and utter soberness. And let me tell you, it is tough. It has taken us 34mins to come up with what we have so far. No wonder Hemmingway was a total drunk, and alleged sex pest. How the heck J.K Rowling wrote an entire series of autobiographies while not drinking at least 1Litre of Captain Morgans Spiced Rum every morning for breakfast is beyond us. And J.R.R Tolkien!!!!! That guy had to travel back in time and then remember what he saw, and then try and make it half interesting. But we will try and gather our thoughts and continue on with more of what you come to expect, a waste of perfectly good internet space for Porn.
Lesson 1: How Chimps make the best Wing Men
Chimps are basically lazy cavemen that refused to evolve. Whilst they have the knowledge and know how to make a timber hut in the rain forest, they lack the knowledge to count to six. But they have one grace, they are the Ultimate Wingmen. Because they are lazy and eat snails, they are mistaken as French, which lures the ladies in from miles away. When they realise it is a chimp, and not some tour guide from the Arc De Triumphe, they then have no other alternative but to ask you where you have acquired this cute little thing, and thats when you bombard them with sweet lies until you are back at your Home Turf with some Marvin Gaye in the background, and of course, the chimp on the video camera. Another bonus is that Chimps aren't fussy and will consume Banana Smoothies for every meal.
Lesson 2: Never trust anyone with a bumbag
If you have ever met any one wearing a bumbag, you will know there is just something quite not right with them. First of all, is it a fashion statement? Is there anything in the bumbag? We used to have bumbags, to carry marbles, when we were 7, maybe all these bumbaggers are in the ultimate marble tournament? Maybe thats where they keep there I.D. Or maybe thats where they keep all the hair they collect off the ground. Whatever the reason, use the stranger danger principle, and only take candy if its still in it's original packaging!
So what should you be on the lookout for? Well the typical bumbagger resembles your garden variety chav or Stereotypical Eastern European thug, wearing their trackie dacks and MC Hammer hair do, even though they are albinos and its often quite hot. They all have one lazy eye, a big gold chain and a menacing attitude. If you see any one matching this description run. Like super fast.
Lesson 3: Tricking Women into marrying you
Recently we had the opportunity to fool one of our unsuspecting friends into becoming engaged to someone who resembles Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory, in both looks and general personality traits. We should really write a book on this topic, but that would take too long and I don't think you can have a book with only one page. Anyway this is how it went down:
The Babe was informed, using various technological techniques, that she was coming to the Batcave for a bbq. She thought it was going to be a dude ranch, all the more enticing for a lady. She was then driven down to the general Batcave area where she was then informed by her lover that she wouldnt be made to stay in the confines of the illustrious Batcave with its magnificent Ottomon, but rather a quaint little hell hole up the road. When they drove past this she was then informed that hell holes were so 1990, and therefore she was going somewhere nice. She still hadnt realised that she wasn't coming to Batcave (every babes dream). Long story short: Using various magic tricks and misdirection she was proposed to and then accepted this charitable offer.
So how did we help? Well basically lying like it was going out of fashion. So the following is a list of our lies, actually lets call them tricks:
- BBQ. We don't own one. George Foreman grills our meat.
- Dude Ranch. As if.
- Starts at 7. We werent even home.
- Invite friends that she could facestalk.
- That our lamps are semi-functioning. We actually have a lamp cemetary, where lamps go to die.
So in the end, love conquers stuff. But don't worry chicks, these Batcavers won't be getting married anytime soon, so just calm yourselves down.
I think that's pretty much enough information that can, and will, be provided at this stage of our lives.
From this disgustingly disturbing creature, have a good time doing things
Saturday, 5 November 2011
And then Obama said.....
Welcome to the new and improved Batcave blog 2.0. Much the same as I-snack 2.0 (lame) (from hereon in there will be no reference made to 2.0). With the launch of Season 2 we have moulded and grafted the formulas and algorithms to leave you with a less bewildered look on your face and a more positive outlook on life. How are we going to do this? With actual knowledge bombs!! Even though we did actually shred your minds with cluster bombs full of knowledge and life facts during the last round of blogging, this time round we will be way more serious about it. Politics, Current Issues, Tax, Asylum Seekers, all the big world events, you know stuff like that.................who are we kidding, its exactly the same amount of utter dribble as last time. But hey, who cares? not us, thats for sure!
Without further adeur, let us deep sea dive into the realm of endless possibilities and fantastical magic which is the musing of the Batcave.
Evolution
It has been brought to our attention that the human species may not be as cool as we think we are, and when it comes down to it, are just a bunch of glorified cavemen. We are basing this startling finding on a documentary that we watched the other night (We are highly evolved, not like the rest of you) in which a hairy caterpillar lived for 14 years!!! 14 years!!! A caterpillar!!! Very impressive stuff. It lives in the Arctic Circle somewhere, so as you can imagine, its quite chilly most of the time. Evolution Fact 1: It grew hair to keep it from getting the flu. It's also very cold in Winter, so rather than be a mopey little caterpllar it, Evolution Fact 2: Dies. That's right, this Hairy Caterpillar dies and then in the Spring Time comes back to life. It does this for 14 years before it turns itself into a pair of silk pyjamas by ducking and weaving its silk jizz all over itself. Then all this awesomeness is destroyed when this awesome Hairy caterpillar, in all its awesome glory, morphs into a beautiful, magestic Butter......moth. A moth. How devastating. If we were caterpillars and waited 14 years to evolve to the next level (very much like a pokemon) and came out as a moth, well, we'd be pretty disillusioned with life. We'd want to be Beautiful Arctic Butterfly's, not dingy Arctic Moths.
What do humans do? They just live and die. Humans can't make cocoons made of glorious silk, definately can't shape-shift into anything and can't sleep for more than about 12 hours on average per day. The only thing that humans have going for them is that they can't turn into pointless moths.
What killed the Dinosaurs?
You may have heard various answers to this question.
Answer 1: A meteorite the size of Dublin crashed into the Earth, and in doing so made all the dust and dirt on the planet airborne. The Dinosaurs were all asthmatic, couldn't breathe, and then died.
Answer 2: Ice Age. This is pretty self explanitary. It got cold, and because the dinosaurs didn't have their jumpers on, unlike the hairy caterpillar, they got really bad chills and then died. Pretty lazy really, they should have saw that one coming, they were just trying to be tough.
Answer 3: Jesus killed them. Christians think dinosaurs were like your garden variety leprachaun or midget. Non existent. So they made up this whole book dedicated to how Jesus fought all the dinosaurs with his ninja skills, and then turned some bread into wine and fish into water. Some may know it as The Bible. WWJD? Punch a dinosaur
Now, we have discovered the real answer: Dino Riders
Dino Riders was a documentary produced in the late 80's about some dudes from this planet that travel back in time because some evil guy was mean to them. Due to the fact that we really couldnt be bothered explaining it, here's a little snap shot of what happened. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpuhLkh358Y
So how did the dinosaurs die? The Dino Riders rode them into the ground. Literally, and physically. By the end, the dinosaurs were praying for a meteorite combined with an Ice Age combined with a Full Force Jesus Attack.
Elephant Seals
Seriously, what was God smoking when he came up with these things. They are "Spew-in-your-mouth" Ugly.
Thats enough of that, stay posted for more revelations and blasphemy.
Ouuuutttttt
Without further adeur, let us deep sea dive into the realm of endless possibilities and fantastical magic which is the musing of the Batcave.
Evolution
It has been brought to our attention that the human species may not be as cool as we think we are, and when it comes down to it, are just a bunch of glorified cavemen. We are basing this startling finding on a documentary that we watched the other night (We are highly evolved, not like the rest of you) in which a hairy caterpillar lived for 14 years!!! 14 years!!! A caterpillar!!! Very impressive stuff. It lives in the Arctic Circle somewhere, so as you can imagine, its quite chilly most of the time. Evolution Fact 1: It grew hair to keep it from getting the flu. It's also very cold in Winter, so rather than be a mopey little caterpllar it, Evolution Fact 2: Dies. That's right, this Hairy Caterpillar dies and then in the Spring Time comes back to life. It does this for 14 years before it turns itself into a pair of silk pyjamas by ducking and weaving its silk jizz all over itself. Then all this awesomeness is destroyed when this awesome Hairy caterpillar, in all its awesome glory, morphs into a beautiful, magestic Butter......moth. A moth. How devastating. If we were caterpillars and waited 14 years to evolve to the next level (very much like a pokemon) and came out as a moth, well, we'd be pretty disillusioned with life. We'd want to be Beautiful Arctic Butterfly's, not dingy Arctic Moths.
What do humans do? They just live and die. Humans can't make cocoons made of glorious silk, definately can't shape-shift into anything and can't sleep for more than about 12 hours on average per day. The only thing that humans have going for them is that they can't turn into pointless moths.
What killed the Dinosaurs?
You may have heard various answers to this question.
Answer 1: A meteorite the size of Dublin crashed into the Earth, and in doing so made all the dust and dirt on the planet airborne. The Dinosaurs were all asthmatic, couldn't breathe, and then died.
Answer 2: Ice Age. This is pretty self explanitary. It got cold, and because the dinosaurs didn't have their jumpers on, unlike the hairy caterpillar, they got really bad chills and then died. Pretty lazy really, they should have saw that one coming, they were just trying to be tough.
Answer 3: Jesus killed them. Christians think dinosaurs were like your garden variety leprachaun or midget. Non existent. So they made up this whole book dedicated to how Jesus fought all the dinosaurs with his ninja skills, and then turned some bread into wine and fish into water. Some may know it as The Bible. WWJD? Punch a dinosaur
Now, we have discovered the real answer: Dino Riders
Dino Riders was a documentary produced in the late 80's about some dudes from this planet that travel back in time because some evil guy was mean to them. Due to the fact that we really couldnt be bothered explaining it, here's a little snap shot of what happened. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpuhLkh358Y
So how did the dinosaurs die? The Dino Riders rode them into the ground. Literally, and physically. By the end, the dinosaurs were praying for a meteorite combined with an Ice Age combined with a Full Force Jesus Attack.
Elephant Seals
Thats enough of that, stay posted for more revelations and blasphemy.
Ouuuutttttt
Monday, 31 October 2011
S1 E12: Season Finale
Hello friendos,
Monday.......Voted worst day of the week EVER by everyone with a job since the early Egyptians started building the Pyramids. Granted that the people who constructed the pyramids were in fact slaves, it should be still noted that they hated Mondays the most. Anyway after that rant, its time to delve into the deep murky waters of things we've witnessed outside of the walls of the Batcave. And let me tell you, we see some things. Honestly we see more than we remember. But anyway, here we go
Extreme Gardening
When anyone thinks about the wonderful world of gardening, inevitably the Green Thumb that you think of is Don Burke, the bearded Garden Nazi with a love of lemon trees and all things grass. You wouldn't really think of an elderly Asian man with a Bike helmet and safety glasses literally attacking some kind of fern with a rake would you? It ended up a fern massacre.
Public Displays of......Spewing (If you don't like spew, skip this section)
I think its reasonable to assume, that at one point or another, anyone who has put alcohol into their faceholes (mouth) has either had a "Sneaky Bulimic" spew or a "Was that an Exorcism?" Spew. What you don't really expect that either of these occur before the sun goes down. Well my friends they missed that memo in Stathfield. Whilst on a trip to the bathroom at the train station, the cubicle was locked, so I thought nothing of it. There was a bit of coughing, but as a general follower of medicine I assumed that the change of seasons may have led this poor customer into obtaining some kind of flu strain. What came next was the vomit session of a lifetime. Not being able to actually see (Thank the Lord), the noise of what sounded like a poltergeist trying to escape from a human being, more than made up for it. Also the spew flying out from underneath the door onto my shoe. I'm gonna go all CSI now and state that he was in fact, a meth addict, or a possessed hobgoblin.
Tuckermax.com
Now, Tucker Max has been around for years, as both a person and a person with a blog. He basically tells stories. Stories which have a plot based in and around truth. We find him quite funny. But we here at the Batcave have started learning the ways of the lady folk and have come to the conclusion that if you act like Tucker Max, even though you may find it funny, it probably isn't and you are just being rude. Case in point, we decided to test out his theories of picking up women, by being forward and obnoxious. The story goes:
Batcaver: Do you speak French?
Hot Girl: No
Batcaver: Tu es l'air beau
Hot Girl: What does that mean?
Batcaver: You look beautiful
Hot Girl: Oh thanks very much!
Batcaver: Oh.....no....I was just using my french
*Hot Girl stops talking to Batcaver
Lesson learned?
- Know more French
- Don't try and be someone you're not (Tucker Max)
Ok, well thats the final blog for Season One. Luckily, season Two will most likely start next week. we don't follow the rules of the silver screen and have a season once a year. Also we have 12 episodes per season. We are just that great.
Laterz
Monday.......Voted worst day of the week EVER by everyone with a job since the early Egyptians started building the Pyramids. Granted that the people who constructed the pyramids were in fact slaves, it should be still noted that they hated Mondays the most. Anyway after that rant, its time to delve into the deep murky waters of things we've witnessed outside of the walls of the Batcave. And let me tell you, we see some things. Honestly we see more than we remember. But anyway, here we go
Extreme Gardening
When anyone thinks about the wonderful world of gardening, inevitably the Green Thumb that you think of is Don Burke, the bearded Garden Nazi with a love of lemon trees and all things grass. You wouldn't really think of an elderly Asian man with a Bike helmet and safety glasses literally attacking some kind of fern with a rake would you? It ended up a fern massacre.
Public Displays of......Spewing (If you don't like spew, skip this section)
I think its reasonable to assume, that at one point or another, anyone who has put alcohol into their faceholes (mouth) has either had a "Sneaky Bulimic" spew or a "Was that an Exorcism?" Spew. What you don't really expect that either of these occur before the sun goes down. Well my friends they missed that memo in Stathfield. Whilst on a trip to the bathroom at the train station, the cubicle was locked, so I thought nothing of it. There was a bit of coughing, but as a general follower of medicine I assumed that the change of seasons may have led this poor customer into obtaining some kind of flu strain. What came next was the vomit session of a lifetime. Not being able to actually see (Thank the Lord), the noise of what sounded like a poltergeist trying to escape from a human being, more than made up for it. Also the spew flying out from underneath the door onto my shoe. I'm gonna go all CSI now and state that he was in fact, a meth addict, or a possessed hobgoblin.
Tuckermax.com
Now, Tucker Max has been around for years, as both a person and a person with a blog. He basically tells stories. Stories which have a plot based in and around truth. We find him quite funny. But we here at the Batcave have started learning the ways of the lady folk and have come to the conclusion that if you act like Tucker Max, even though you may find it funny, it probably isn't and you are just being rude. Case in point, we decided to test out his theories of picking up women, by being forward and obnoxious. The story goes:
Batcaver: Do you speak French?
Hot Girl: No
Batcaver: Tu es l'air beau
Hot Girl: What does that mean?
Batcaver: You look beautiful
Hot Girl: Oh thanks very much!
Batcaver: Oh.....no....I was just using my french
*Hot Girl stops talking to Batcaver
Lesson learned?
- Know more French
- Don't try and be someone you're not (Tucker Max)
Ok, well thats the final blog for Season One. Luckily, season Two will most likely start next week. we don't follow the rules of the silver screen and have a season once a year. Also we have 12 episodes per season. We are just that great.
Laterz
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Starting XI (No need to read this one)
Evening,
The Batcave is looking more like a Lamp Cemetery at present. We have received 3 generous lamp donations and all have met a rapid demise, so they are all in the corner (with baby). Lamp one fell apart all over the Batcave floor. Lamp two had its chord dangling from the rear of one of the Bat Mobiles leaving it all mong and stuff. And Lamp three broke in half. Being awesome CSI's we have discovered a common link between all these lamps, and its not one of the Batcave members being full rio, its Ikea. All made in Sweden. Never trust a Swede in a lamp shop. Now to more pressing matters:
I think we can safely say that in our time at the Batcave not many of the Worlds hardest hitting issues have been solved in comparison to how many have been addressed. This is about to change. With our think tanks set to Kosovo and our knowledge beyond comprehension, we have cornered a couple of issues faced by not only by Batcavers, but also the common man. So be prepared for your brain to melt:
Dieting
Reaction to dieting is often typified by fat people wondering why the lettuce on their Big Macs doesn't make them skinny like Kate Moss. There are, allegedly, so many ways to make us thinner and therefore absolute sexy machines. Forget exercise; diets can make you slimmer, more attractive and weigh less than your former fat self. We at the Batcave have discovered a way in which people wishing to lose a few of those extra pesky 35-40 kilos can do so, without having to resort to Bulimia or drinking copious amounts of Coconut Milk. The answer is Ramadan.
Having not really researched the topic, and only making assumptions which lead to wild accusations, Ramadan is a period of a month in the Islamic calender year where followers aren't allowed to eat during daylight hours. This means they can only go to town after dark. From having not eaten all day, everyone is too tired to think about eating and go straight to sleep as soon as the sun goes down. You will be thin in no time!!!!!
The con of this diet is obviously that the other 11 months of the year are a fat kids wet dream and there's only one month of sexy time. (Fortunately for the ladyfolk, Ramadan doesn't fall during Movember) So if you have that wedding coming up, school formal or any other event where it is fashionable to rock in weighing 42.5 kilos, make sure its on after Ramadan. Otherwise, don't turn up and eat a pie. Also you may have to convert to Islam to participate.
The word "Mong"
This word is brandished about willy nilly by any old Tom, Dick and/or Harry with half a vocabulary and knowledge of the English language. Recently there has been uproar at the use of this word by super funny dude Ricky Gervais. (Once again, no real research has gone into clearing up what actually was said, cos the Batcave ain't got no twitter, so just keep that in mind before you put gypsy curses on us) We are on team Gervais on this one. I think we can all agree that words barely have any meaning what so ever anymore, and this word has just turned into a descriptive word for an idiot. Plus Ricky Gervais makes us laugh, and that my friends is the key to any good relationship.....allegedly.
Changes in the Weather
One day its hot, the next day it's cold. Whats going on El Nino? Or is it the government? Yes, its all the Governments fault.
What Happens when you spew on your shoe?
Clean it up before you leave, and if anyone asks its Yoghurt.
Hopefully your brains are in tact from the deluge of problems being solved, because its time to review some movies....
Review #1 Twilight
Starring: That pasty kid and his missus, that guy from Abduction, a State Forrest
What Happens: The pasty guy and his missus get married but apparently this isn't happy times because everyone looks super sad. She hugs someone else other than her husband (whore) and then looks generally forlorn for the rest of the trailer. They all go to some big forrest for a dance party but they all stand around doing nothing because the only music that anyone bought was this sad symphany orchestra track which sums up their glumness for being alive.
What we think: Having not seen any of the Twilights, its hard to assess whats going on here. That dude needs to see some sun though, his Vitamin D levels must be at dangerously low levels. It has a wedding in it, and as a general rule of thumb, we try and stay clear of any movies with weddings in it
Score: 1 Vampire out of a Werewolf
Review #2 Warrior
Starring: Joel Edgerton, Tom Hardy, Nick Nolte, a couple of MMA Fighters and a hot chick
What Happens: Joel and Tom are brothers. Tom is mean, Joel is nice. Papa Nick Nolte loves them both equally, but they think they have to fight for his love because their mother may or may not have run away when they were just little. They have to fight each other, after they both beat Brock Lesner.
What we think: This actually looks pretty good. Worth a watch. Plus it's about to sky rocket Joel Edgerton into A-List Hot chick heaven.
Score: A knockout blow to the face
Well that's all for another enthralling installment. If you are doubtful at all about whether or not you are actually loving this here are some testimonials:
Gary, Adelaide: Top stuff Batcave, I wish I could live in the Batcave
Jenny, Sydney: Are you guys single because I want to be all up in dat
New York Times: 5 Star, too good for actual words, Yeerrddddyyy!!!!
Ok, that's all from us, Stay Safe, look out for trick or treaters!!!
Laterz
The Batcave is looking more like a Lamp Cemetery at present. We have received 3 generous lamp donations and all have met a rapid demise, so they are all in the corner (with baby). Lamp one fell apart all over the Batcave floor. Lamp two had its chord dangling from the rear of one of the Bat Mobiles leaving it all mong and stuff. And Lamp three broke in half. Being awesome CSI's we have discovered a common link between all these lamps, and its not one of the Batcave members being full rio, its Ikea. All made in Sweden. Never trust a Swede in a lamp shop. Now to more pressing matters:
I think we can safely say that in our time at the Batcave not many of the Worlds hardest hitting issues have been solved in comparison to how many have been addressed. This is about to change. With our think tanks set to Kosovo and our knowledge beyond comprehension, we have cornered a couple of issues faced by not only by Batcavers, but also the common man. So be prepared for your brain to melt:
Dieting
Reaction to dieting is often typified by fat people wondering why the lettuce on their Big Macs doesn't make them skinny like Kate Moss. There are, allegedly, so many ways to make us thinner and therefore absolute sexy machines. Forget exercise; diets can make you slimmer, more attractive and weigh less than your former fat self. We at the Batcave have discovered a way in which people wishing to lose a few of those extra pesky 35-40 kilos can do so, without having to resort to Bulimia or drinking copious amounts of Coconut Milk. The answer is Ramadan.
Having not really researched the topic, and only making assumptions which lead to wild accusations, Ramadan is a period of a month in the Islamic calender year where followers aren't allowed to eat during daylight hours. This means they can only go to town after dark. From having not eaten all day, everyone is too tired to think about eating and go straight to sleep as soon as the sun goes down. You will be thin in no time!!!!!
The con of this diet is obviously that the other 11 months of the year are a fat kids wet dream and there's only one month of sexy time. (Fortunately for the ladyfolk, Ramadan doesn't fall during Movember) So if you have that wedding coming up, school formal or any other event where it is fashionable to rock in weighing 42.5 kilos, make sure its on after Ramadan. Otherwise, don't turn up and eat a pie. Also you may have to convert to Islam to participate.
The word "Mong"
This word is brandished about willy nilly by any old Tom, Dick and/or Harry with half a vocabulary and knowledge of the English language. Recently there has been uproar at the use of this word by super funny dude Ricky Gervais. (Once again, no real research has gone into clearing up what actually was said, cos the Batcave ain't got no twitter, so just keep that in mind before you put gypsy curses on us) We are on team Gervais on this one. I think we can all agree that words barely have any meaning what so ever anymore, and this word has just turned into a descriptive word for an idiot. Plus Ricky Gervais makes us laugh, and that my friends is the key to any good relationship.....allegedly.
Changes in the Weather
One day its hot, the next day it's cold. Whats going on El Nino? Or is it the government? Yes, its all the Governments fault.
What Happens when you spew on your shoe?
Clean it up before you leave, and if anyone asks its Yoghurt.
Hopefully your brains are in tact from the deluge of problems being solved, because its time to review some movies....
Review #1 Twilight
Starring: That pasty kid and his missus, that guy from Abduction, a State Forrest
What Happens: The pasty guy and his missus get married but apparently this isn't happy times because everyone looks super sad. She hugs someone else other than her husband (whore) and then looks generally forlorn for the rest of the trailer. They all go to some big forrest for a dance party but they all stand around doing nothing because the only music that anyone bought was this sad symphany orchestra track which sums up their glumness for being alive.
What we think: Having not seen any of the Twilights, its hard to assess whats going on here. That dude needs to see some sun though, his Vitamin D levels must be at dangerously low levels. It has a wedding in it, and as a general rule of thumb, we try and stay clear of any movies with weddings in it
Score: 1 Vampire out of a Werewolf
Review #2 Warrior
Starring: Joel Edgerton, Tom Hardy, Nick Nolte, a couple of MMA Fighters and a hot chick
What Happens: Joel and Tom are brothers. Tom is mean, Joel is nice. Papa Nick Nolte loves them both equally, but they think they have to fight for his love because their mother may or may not have run away when they were just little. They have to fight each other, after they both beat Brock Lesner.
What we think: This actually looks pretty good. Worth a watch. Plus it's about to sky rocket Joel Edgerton into A-List Hot chick heaven.
Score: A knockout blow to the face
Well that's all for another enthralling installment. If you are doubtful at all about whether or not you are actually loving this here are some testimonials:
Gary, Adelaide: Top stuff Batcave, I wish I could live in the Batcave
Jenny, Sydney: Are you guys single because I want to be all up in dat
New York Times: 5 Star, too good for actual words, Yeerrddddyyy!!!!
Ok, that's all from us, Stay Safe, look out for trick or treaters!!!
Laterz
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
10. Run a Decathlon
Howdy friendos,
Lucky you!! Its bloggin time......Heres some sweet reviews from the past week of our lives. Im pretty sure this is what our blogs have come to, cos unless we are on the piss there are no real stories, or actual enthusiasm in creating these wonderful online memoirs.
Review #1 Sam Simmons Stand Up
Having to travel to Marrickville and get out of the car is never a pleasant experience for anyone, but in order to see Sam Simmons' stand-up show, thats exactly what we had to do. Whilst Marrickville is close to the airport, or at least underneath a flight path, it is a hell hole where pubs don't have bistros and illegal immigrants can start up mechanical businesses willy-nilly. Anyway, we made it, Thank the Jesus, and here is our review of his show:
Walking in we were greeted by a rather pleasant outdoor setting equipped with a bar. It was just unfortunate said bar was filled with some kind of German wish wash, that tasted like water, and allegedly had 3 ingredients, and no, love was not one of them. First World Problem. Anyway we loitered around that area with the other patrons until some dude with too much power let us in. There we sat for approximately 7 minutes listening to some sweet tunes including some Christmas classics, waiting for the headline act. And then old sambo arrived on stage dressed up to the nines, foggin up his space helmet.
Welcome to random town! Population Sam Simmons. The next hour was a mind fuck of a good time, including the use of various props, food articles, dickwads named Nathan and the voice overs from sweet chicks. One of the sweet chicks was Steph Hughes from JJJ, she wore a raincoat. She had inside knowledge that some poor dickwad (Nathan) was going to get wet and she didn't want none of that action. Anyway, he sweated up there for an hour being funny, and everyone laughed.
What did we think: It was Fucking funny. Like funnier than watching a baby on a train. Totally random, and thats what kept it interesting. Also his stupid looking face.
Score: 16 laughter bombs out of 20 laughter bombs.
Review #2 The Cup
Starring: Stephen Curry, Dan McPherson, a bunch of other home doggers from Neighbours and Home and Away, Brendan Gleeson
What Happens: The Cup is based on the race that Stops the Nation, The Melbourne Cup, The Kentucky Derby, The Saudi Arabian Sand Fly Olympics, pick one. Basically what happens is one of the jockeys/midgets falls off a horse that was shot by a sniper and the story revolves around how people who break their neck can still be jockeys/midgets and race in the Melbourne Cup with a neck brace and a can do attitude.
What we think: Keep your money and wait for the Melbourne Cup, it'll be more exciting and you have the chance to actually win some money rather than definately losing your money going to watch this.
Score: 6 lengths out of a Country Mile
Boooooom!! Take those knowledge bombs. When we do more fun stuff we will write more garbage. And thats a scientific fact.
Batcave, Ouuuuuut
Lucky you!! Its bloggin time......Heres some sweet reviews from the past week of our lives. Im pretty sure this is what our blogs have come to, cos unless we are on the piss there are no real stories, or actual enthusiasm in creating these wonderful online memoirs.
Review #1 Sam Simmons Stand Up
Having to travel to Marrickville and get out of the car is never a pleasant experience for anyone, but in order to see Sam Simmons' stand-up show, thats exactly what we had to do. Whilst Marrickville is close to the airport, or at least underneath a flight path, it is a hell hole where pubs don't have bistros and illegal immigrants can start up mechanical businesses willy-nilly. Anyway, we made it, Thank the Jesus, and here is our review of his show:
Walking in we were greeted by a rather pleasant outdoor setting equipped with a bar. It was just unfortunate said bar was filled with some kind of German wish wash, that tasted like water, and allegedly had 3 ingredients, and no, love was not one of them. First World Problem. Anyway we loitered around that area with the other patrons until some dude with too much power let us in. There we sat for approximately 7 minutes listening to some sweet tunes including some Christmas classics, waiting for the headline act. And then old sambo arrived on stage dressed up to the nines, foggin up his space helmet.
Welcome to random town! Population Sam Simmons. The next hour was a mind fuck of a good time, including the use of various props, food articles, dickwads named Nathan and the voice overs from sweet chicks. One of the sweet chicks was Steph Hughes from JJJ, she wore a raincoat. She had inside knowledge that some poor dickwad (Nathan) was going to get wet and she didn't want none of that action. Anyway, he sweated up there for an hour being funny, and everyone laughed.
What did we think: It was Fucking funny. Like funnier than watching a baby on a train. Totally random, and thats what kept it interesting. Also his stupid looking face.
Score: 16 laughter bombs out of 20 laughter bombs.
Review #2 The Cup
Starring: Stephen Curry, Dan McPherson, a bunch of other home doggers from Neighbours and Home and Away, Brendan Gleeson
What Happens: The Cup is based on the race that Stops the Nation, The Melbourne Cup, The Kentucky Derby, The Saudi Arabian Sand Fly Olympics, pick one. Basically what happens is one of the jockeys/midgets falls off a horse that was shot by a sniper and the story revolves around how people who break their neck can still be jockeys/midgets and race in the Melbourne Cup with a neck brace and a can do attitude.
What we think: Keep your money and wait for the Melbourne Cup, it'll be more exciting and you have the chance to actually win some money rather than definately losing your money going to watch this.
Score: 6 lengths out of a Country Mile
Boooooom!! Take those knowledge bombs. When we do more fun stuff we will write more garbage. And thats a scientific fact.
Batcave, Ouuuuuut
Saturday, 15 October 2011
Route 9: Welcome to Burbank
Greetings,
Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. The cherry has been popped!!! One of the prestigious members of the Batcave has done it!!! Literally, and metaphorically. Sir Edmond Hilary scaling Everest, pffffffffft. Harry Potter beating Voldemort pffffffffft. Being able to grocery shop without psyching up before hand pffffffft. These feats do not even begin to compare with the monumental achievement completed last night. She was hot, she seemed nice, plus she liked magic, and she doesn't know about this blog. Good times.
Not much more needs to be said really, but as we are in the depths of another terrible hangover we might as well make hay while the sunshines and uses the creative juices flowing throw our super awesome brains. There hasn't really been any movie trailers that we've seen on the TV, so we will review some other stuff instead.
Review #1 The Wombats Gig
The Batcave and its entourage of Party Criminals ventured outside into the dark of night to attend what only can be described as a lovely low key evening spent with friends. What really happened? We got super blind, jumped heaps and then went to bed. This gig was off the chain!!! There were super hot sweet marys roaming around with their super cool attitudes and nice attire, on a downer most of the them were gaol bait, and we had to keep a close eye on one of the Party Criminals...........just kidding, we are all legit. Faker, what a bunch of noobs. They have one song, thats not even that good, but the filled in their allotted time by running across stage and generally thinking highly of themselves. We didnt rate them as highly, 1 star out of the Milky Way.
The Wombats came on and blew our minds with sweet tunes til we finished up sweaty heaps of human and walked outside into the rain. Quite good considering we were hot. Then we started the reactor!! There was love, spilt drinks, slips and trips, yelling, the Crowie, Midget dancing, alot of Sneaking about and general misbehaviour. It was good times. Wombats get a perfect score of 15/15 buttons and a purple heart cos they wounded our hearts.
Review #2 The Crowie
What a hell hole. Even though this is the fine establishment that the beforementioned sweet Mary was found, it gets a serious dis for not letting us in first off, making us walk down the hill to get a different shirt on, then go back, literally 8minutes later, and they let us in without a fuss. Whats the deal crowie?? What is the deal?
Review #3 The colour of the walls in the Batcave
Kind of a creamy yellow colour, not that fussed on it to be honest. Doesnt match our cool couch or dining room table. 6 Balloons out of the Colour Red.
Anyway, thatll do, I've lost interest in writing this and more interest in having a nap. So please keep an eye on the internet, when you're all not looking at porn (we're onto you) and wait patiently for new updates
In the interest of trying to get the most out of the blogging industry and get as many hits as possible, the below list is the most searched in google on the 14th of October. Hopefully this trick will work a treat and fool the unsuspecting humans of planet earth into reading the blog, and therefore appreciating our lives and Batcave.
Rick Ross, Make your mark, midnight madness, ira, zack grienke, ford evos, hilary duff pregnant and the skin i live in.
Also, heres some other ones, just for good measure
The Hindenberg, X-Box games, Free Nude Chicks, The Notebook
Right, Ouuuuuut
Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. The cherry has been popped!!! One of the prestigious members of the Batcave has done it!!! Literally, and metaphorically. Sir Edmond Hilary scaling Everest, pffffffffft. Harry Potter beating Voldemort pffffffffft. Being able to grocery shop without psyching up before hand pffffffft. These feats do not even begin to compare with the monumental achievement completed last night. She was hot, she seemed nice, plus she liked magic, and she doesn't know about this blog. Good times.
Not much more needs to be said really, but as we are in the depths of another terrible hangover we might as well make hay while the sunshines and uses the creative juices flowing throw our super awesome brains. There hasn't really been any movie trailers that we've seen on the TV, so we will review some other stuff instead.
Review #1 The Wombats Gig
The Batcave and its entourage of Party Criminals ventured outside into the dark of night to attend what only can be described as a lovely low key evening spent with friends. What really happened? We got super blind, jumped heaps and then went to bed. This gig was off the chain!!! There were super hot sweet marys roaming around with their super cool attitudes and nice attire, on a downer most of the them were gaol bait, and we had to keep a close eye on one of the Party Criminals...........just kidding, we are all legit. Faker, what a bunch of noobs. They have one song, thats not even that good, but the filled in their allotted time by running across stage and generally thinking highly of themselves. We didnt rate them as highly, 1 star out of the Milky Way.
The Wombats came on and blew our minds with sweet tunes til we finished up sweaty heaps of human and walked outside into the rain. Quite good considering we were hot. Then we started the reactor!! There was love, spilt drinks, slips and trips, yelling, the Crowie, Midget dancing, alot of Sneaking about and general misbehaviour. It was good times. Wombats get a perfect score of 15/15 buttons and a purple heart cos they wounded our hearts.
Review #2 The Crowie
What a hell hole. Even though this is the fine establishment that the beforementioned sweet Mary was found, it gets a serious dis for not letting us in first off, making us walk down the hill to get a different shirt on, then go back, literally 8minutes later, and they let us in without a fuss. Whats the deal crowie?? What is the deal?
Review #3 The colour of the walls in the Batcave
Kind of a creamy yellow colour, not that fussed on it to be honest. Doesnt match our cool couch or dining room table. 6 Balloons out of the Colour Red.
Anyway, thatll do, I've lost interest in writing this and more interest in having a nap. So please keep an eye on the internet, when you're all not looking at porn (we're onto you) and wait patiently for new updates
In the interest of trying to get the most out of the blogging industry and get as many hits as possible, the below list is the most searched in google on the 14th of October. Hopefully this trick will work a treat and fool the unsuspecting humans of planet earth into reading the blog, and therefore appreciating our lives and Batcave.
Rick Ross, Make your mark, midnight madness, ira, zack grienke, ford evos, hilary duff pregnant and the skin i live in.
Also, heres some other ones, just for good measure
The Hindenberg, X-Box games, Free Nude Chicks, The Notebook
Right, Ouuuuuut
Thursday, 6 October 2011
Chapter 8: The World's Our Oyster
Evening all,
The Batcave has been winning like Charlie Sheen with a prossy bailed up in his bathroom, today. We are so happy we thought we would share with you all. And then we will review the hell out of some things that we have encountered over the past period of time since the last of our glorious blogs. Firstly though, the winning ways started when one of the members of the Batcave graduated from his University degree. Then the Telstra bill was obliterated because they were trying to be all sneaky and we were like, whaaaaaat? So we had our bill slashed. Then when we were going to dinner at our fav restaurant, the Stoned Crow, we didnt have to wait for the little green man at all. Then we had a delicious meal, $12, Bargain. Then when we were coming home we caught the little green man without waiting, and then we watched Chuck. Our fav show here at the Batcave right now.
Phew, now that you have got over the adrenalin rush of our evening, it's time to review some things. We havent really caught many movie trailers of late on the TV, so we have taken our hand at reviewing other things.
Review #1 Wrapido, Crows Nest
This sneaky little cafe had us hooked with its menu, which said "Breakfast" and it was 11:30am. The meals were good, the Berry Frapps were off the chain!!! and the chick who served us was super nice and had mad waitressing skills. Plus we told her to read this, so I hope she did. It was a public holiday, so the prices were rat jacked a little, but we were hungover so we could not have cared less.
Would we go there again: I think its pretty inevitable that we will be hungover again.
Review #2 New Orleans Cafe, Crows Nest
This place had good bubbaganoosh or some Mississippi crap like that. The corn bread is worth mentioning as it was delicious to the power of N, and the chicks up there doin the old serving job to the customers were super hot, plus they had some sweet tunes. The only fail is that at 11:30am, they stop serving breakfast. So if you get there at 11:31am, like we did, hit the road if you want breakfast.
Would we go there again: Chicks are hot, yes
Review #3 Stoned Crow, Crows Nest
The old local that has this Red Beer and good vibes. It is pretty yuppie, but so are we. We are there at
least twice a week, everyone is friendly and the food is worth the minimal amount of money that is exchanged for said food. Its just good, do it.
Would we go there again: Does the Pope shit in the woods?
Review #4 The Three Musketeers
Starring: Legloas from Lord of the Rings, the 5th Element, Couple of other historical looking dudes, The Goodyear blimp, some kid with an attitude problem (Gen Y), Hans Lander
Plot: This documentary tells the stories how 3 dudes with fencing swords destroy and army that has blimps. There is a kid they are trying to train cos they are so pompous nobody else will put up with their garbage. Legolas grows a seedy moe to win a contest and Milla Jovavich or however you spell it does some sweet Kung Fu moves.
What we think: Looks lame, if you are 14 you should go see it, and also stop reading this blog.
Score: 5 Coins out of a bag of silver.
And what would this blog be without a sneaky youtube clip. If anyone has seen Eastbound and Down you will know Kenny Powers is a legend, and his association with K Swiss is even more legendary.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI_9Yxr0blo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vStCabn7He0
Ok y'all thats enough for this installment, tell all you loved ones about this. we have got over 1000 hits, which we find slightly bewildering, but none the less we are superstars of the blogging community.
Ouuuuut
The Batcave has been winning like Charlie Sheen with a prossy bailed up in his bathroom, today. We are so happy we thought we would share with you all. And then we will review the hell out of some things that we have encountered over the past period of time since the last of our glorious blogs. Firstly though, the winning ways started when one of the members of the Batcave graduated from his University degree. Then the Telstra bill was obliterated because they were trying to be all sneaky and we were like, whaaaaaat? So we had our bill slashed. Then when we were going to dinner at our fav restaurant, the Stoned Crow, we didnt have to wait for the little green man at all. Then we had a delicious meal, $12, Bargain. Then when we were coming home we caught the little green man without waiting, and then we watched Chuck. Our fav show here at the Batcave right now.
Phew, now that you have got over the adrenalin rush of our evening, it's time to review some things. We havent really caught many movie trailers of late on the TV, so we have taken our hand at reviewing other things.
Review #1 Wrapido, Crows Nest
This sneaky little cafe had us hooked with its menu, which said "Breakfast" and it was 11:30am. The meals were good, the Berry Frapps were off the chain!!! and the chick who served us was super nice and had mad waitressing skills. Plus we told her to read this, so I hope she did. It was a public holiday, so the prices were rat jacked a little, but we were hungover so we could not have cared less.
Would we go there again: I think its pretty inevitable that we will be hungover again.
Review #2 New Orleans Cafe, Crows Nest
This place had good bubbaganoosh or some Mississippi crap like that. The corn bread is worth mentioning as it was delicious to the power of N, and the chicks up there doin the old serving job to the customers were super hot, plus they had some sweet tunes. The only fail is that at 11:30am, they stop serving breakfast. So if you get there at 11:31am, like we did, hit the road if you want breakfast.
Would we go there again: Chicks are hot, yes
Review #3 Stoned Crow, Crows Nest
The old local that has this Red Beer and good vibes. It is pretty yuppie, but so are we. We are there at
least twice a week, everyone is friendly and the food is worth the minimal amount of money that is exchanged for said food. Its just good, do it.
Would we go there again: Does the Pope shit in the woods?
Review #4 The Three Musketeers
Starring: Legloas from Lord of the Rings, the 5th Element, Couple of other historical looking dudes, The Goodyear blimp, some kid with an attitude problem (Gen Y), Hans Lander
Plot: This documentary tells the stories how 3 dudes with fencing swords destroy and army that has blimps. There is a kid they are trying to train cos they are so pompous nobody else will put up with their garbage. Legolas grows a seedy moe to win a contest and Milla Jovavich or however you spell it does some sweet Kung Fu moves.
What we think: Looks lame, if you are 14 you should go see it, and also stop reading this blog.
Score: 5 Coins out of a bag of silver.
And what would this blog be without a sneaky youtube clip. If anyone has seen Eastbound and Down you will know Kenny Powers is a legend, and his association with K Swiss is even more legendary.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI_9Yxr0blo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vStCabn7He0
Ok y'all thats enough for this installment, tell all you loved ones about this. we have got over 1000 hits, which we find slightly bewildering, but none the less we are superstars of the blogging community.
Ouuuuut
Sunday, 2 October 2011
Snow White and 7 Dwarves
Hello Amigos,
Just sitting here, in the Batcave, loving life, as per usual, thinking of maneuvers of how to make our way into seniroitas pantalonas and what do we see our our massive television? A movie that we must review, sad days for us, but as it states in our By-Laws, if there is a movie to be reviewed, then we must review it
Movie: Reel Steel
Starring: Hugh Jackman, the hot chick from lost (Kate), [There were other hot ones in the show, the one who dated Sawyer i was particularly in Love with, but she's not in this movie], some robots
Plot: Hugh Jackman wishes he was a robot, so he gets super buff and has a fling with Kate from Lost. Theres some robots doing things/boxing, some dramatic music and a workshop.
What we think: Poor mans transformers.
Score: 5 bats out of 10 bats
Now to more important business, our life goals. Honestly, we may have fibbed when we said we would accomplish these goals (see the 6th blog in the series) in any period of time, let a lone a week! the only thing we have done is listen to sweet tunes, in particular Toto - Africa. No chicks have been here. There has been some dating with escorts though, and we are definately scouring the depths of humanity in search of candidates for love, but alas our endevours always seem to be thwarted by the devils nector a.k.a Beer. Too many beers. The excessive amounts of fun that exude from our bodies when we drink is just too much for the lady folk, who just seem to regret having to look at us. We'll get them though, as the Batcave is now vacuumed and looking less like a cave, and more like a vacuumed cave. Chicks love that
First World Problems
Heres a list of First World Problems that have affected us this week:
1.Hot Water went out for 3 days, We were cold.
Comparison: Its too hot in Africa and they get too hot.
2. The front door lock broke. There was one member of the batcave, in the batcave, the other memeber of the batcave was outside the batcave, had to scale some walls, crawl through a window, was made to look like a criminal.
Comparison: African houses are made of mud and twigs and don't have doors. Or locks for that matter.
3. Asked someone if they could make our blog into a great book
Comparison: Africans don't have blogs worth reading.
(You will notice we are comparing alot to the Africans, this is due to the fact we are trying to be less racist to the asian community. Its a life goal).
Ok, thats enough of this garbage. Hangovers suck.
COMING SOON: What we think chicks like...in full graphic detail
Just sitting here, in the Batcave, loving life, as per usual, thinking of maneuvers of how to make our way into seniroitas pantalonas and what do we see our our massive television? A movie that we must review, sad days for us, but as it states in our By-Laws, if there is a movie to be reviewed, then we must review it
Movie: Reel Steel
Starring: Hugh Jackman, the hot chick from lost (Kate), [There were other hot ones in the show, the one who dated Sawyer i was particularly in Love with, but she's not in this movie], some robots
Plot: Hugh Jackman wishes he was a robot, so he gets super buff and has a fling with Kate from Lost. Theres some robots doing things/boxing, some dramatic music and a workshop.
What we think: Poor mans transformers.
Score: 5 bats out of 10 bats
Now to more important business, our life goals. Honestly, we may have fibbed when we said we would accomplish these goals (see the 6th blog in the series) in any period of time, let a lone a week! the only thing we have done is listen to sweet tunes, in particular Toto - Africa. No chicks have been here. There has been some dating with escorts though, and we are definately scouring the depths of humanity in search of candidates for love, but alas our endevours always seem to be thwarted by the devils nector a.k.a Beer. Too many beers. The excessive amounts of fun that exude from our bodies when we drink is just too much for the lady folk, who just seem to regret having to look at us. We'll get them though, as the Batcave is now vacuumed and looking less like a cave, and more like a vacuumed cave. Chicks love that
First World Problems
Heres a list of First World Problems that have affected us this week:
1.Hot Water went out for 3 days, We were cold.
Comparison: Its too hot in Africa and they get too hot.
2. The front door lock broke. There was one member of the batcave, in the batcave, the other memeber of the batcave was outside the batcave, had to scale some walls, crawl through a window, was made to look like a criminal.
Comparison: African houses are made of mud and twigs and don't have doors. Or locks for that matter.
3. Asked someone if they could make our blog into a great book
Comparison: Africans don't have blogs worth reading.
(You will notice we are comparing alot to the Africans, this is due to the fact we are trying to be less racist to the asian community. Its a life goal).
Ok, thats enough of this garbage. Hangovers suck.
COMING SOON: What we think chicks like...in full graphic detail
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
The Sixth Commandment: Thou Shall Not Kill
Team,
We did say that we would blog about the dealings of Saturday Night, but unfortunately, due to uncontrollable circumstances, we are unable to recollect the exact series of events that led us to end up in our beds alone on Sunday morning. We assume that the copious amounts of Southern comfort we devoured didnt conveniently metamorphise us into debonair men of high society, and thus give us the ability to lure women into the batcave.
Anyway, enough about our failings, it's time to set some goals. Without goals, life sucks. The key is to set goals that are achievable. A wise person once said "Grasp for the Stars, atleast you'll get a handful of clouds". They were so so wrong. Shoot for clouds, and then if you don't get any, walk it off and set some new goals.
So below is a list of goals that we have set ourselves, which are basically very achievable and therefore you will see them being ticked off within a week.
1. Somehow get the Yvonne Strahovski (from Chuck) to come over for Salmon and salad.
- The good news is that she grew up in Sydney, which is where the Batcave is located, roughly speaking. According to our great Private Investigator skills we have also been made aware that she actually went to UWS. This means that she has been to penrith and was able to live. A definite plus. All we need to do is somehow get her here, for before mentioned, salad and salmon. Which will be delicious. If she's lucky she would get Scrambled Eggs with Peri Peri sauce in the morning.
2. Listen to way sweet tunes more often
P.Diddy is Great. We will listen to his many albums. And also Cobrastyle!!!! (By teddybears). Foster the People.
3. Achieve World Peace
We will NOT be racist in public aka keeping the peace
4. Become Lords
We are going to invest in some real estate in the land of where men wear dresses.Apparently this is legit, and as such our passports warrant the title Lord. Plus we will be Lords of the Batcave.
5. Turn Water into Wine
This is convenient because Sweet baby Jesus is coming to visit on Monday. He's bringing taco Bell. It would probably be easier for him to do it, as he has had more expereince and we were just going to go to the store, buy some wine, come back to the Batcave, tell him that we performed said miracle, and then have a delicious meal of salmon and Salad.
Ok, that's our goals. It's gonna be pretty easy i think. In the mean time we will continue to watch Chuck, to gather more intel. Honestly we'll just stare and drool.
We aren't goin to leave you hanging, here are some links to things that are in circulation in the Batcave at present, some of it is a bit Old school, but hilarious none the less. Due to the severe lackluster attitude that this blog now dishes up we have resorted to linking youtube clips. That's all from us on another exciting installation of hope to the masses. Please, if you want us to discuss any topics, let us know. We are pretty knowledgeable, so it won't be too much of a stretch to discuss anything.
Peace Out Friendos
Dave Chapelle - Rick James
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwgvwFWK_dQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYrfKkmNGEk&feature=related
Paul Zerdin - Funny Habib
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5XdIdIP-Vo
We did say that we would blog about the dealings of Saturday Night, but unfortunately, due to uncontrollable circumstances, we are unable to recollect the exact series of events that led us to end up in our beds alone on Sunday morning. We assume that the copious amounts of Southern comfort we devoured didnt conveniently metamorphise us into debonair men of high society, and thus give us the ability to lure women into the batcave.
Anyway, enough about our failings, it's time to set some goals. Without goals, life sucks. The key is to set goals that are achievable. A wise person once said "Grasp for the Stars, atleast you'll get a handful of clouds". They were so so wrong. Shoot for clouds, and then if you don't get any, walk it off and set some new goals.
So below is a list of goals that we have set ourselves, which are basically very achievable and therefore you will see them being ticked off within a week.
1. Somehow get the Yvonne Strahovski (from Chuck) to come over for Salmon and salad.
- The good news is that she grew up in Sydney, which is where the Batcave is located, roughly speaking. According to our great Private Investigator skills we have also been made aware that she actually went to UWS. This means that she has been to penrith and was able to live. A definite plus. All we need to do is somehow get her here, for before mentioned, salad and salmon. Which will be delicious. If she's lucky she would get Scrambled Eggs with Peri Peri sauce in the morning.
2. Listen to way sweet tunes more often
P.Diddy is Great. We will listen to his many albums. And also Cobrastyle!!!! (By teddybears). Foster the People.
3. Achieve World Peace
We will NOT be racist in public aka keeping the peace
4. Become Lords
We are going to invest in some real estate in the land of where men wear dresses.Apparently this is legit, and as such our passports warrant the title Lord. Plus we will be Lords of the Batcave.
5. Turn Water into Wine
This is convenient because Sweet baby Jesus is coming to visit on Monday. He's bringing taco Bell. It would probably be easier for him to do it, as he has had more expereince and we were just going to go to the store, buy some wine, come back to the Batcave, tell him that we performed said miracle, and then have a delicious meal of salmon and Salad.
Ok, that's our goals. It's gonna be pretty easy i think. In the mean time we will continue to watch Chuck, to gather more intel. Honestly we'll just stare and drool.
We aren't goin to leave you hanging, here are some links to things that are in circulation in the Batcave at present, some of it is a bit Old school, but hilarious none the less. Due to the severe lackluster attitude that this blog now dishes up we have resorted to linking youtube clips. That's all from us on another exciting installation of hope to the masses. Please, if you want us to discuss any topics, let us know. We are pretty knowledgeable, so it won't be too much of a stretch to discuss anything.
Peace Out Friendos
Dave Chapelle - Rick James
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwgvwFWK_dQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYrfKkmNGEk&feature=related
Paul Zerdin - Funny Habib
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5XdIdIP-Vo
Friday, 23 September 2011
More Reviews!!! Hooray. 5.
Howdy y'all
We have our first guest contributing to this gift to the world of literature. Due to the confidentiality agreement enforced here at the batcave, we are unable to identify said guest blogger, but he/she is an outside dweller, who has the distinct privilege of sharing her/his opinion through the Bat channel. This dynamic piece of reviewing will be followed by another movie review based on a trailer.
"Review of Kasabian: Velociraptor
When Kasabian made the bold claim that this album will shoot them to Beetles-worthy stardom, I giggled. I didn't realise they actually thought this was goin to happen. Oh how wrong they were. Being a Kasabian fan, I have watched their slow decline into ballads and self indulgence over the past albums. This new album, is the equivalent of Aldus Snows' "African Child". It is not only detrimental to the African population but the world population in general (for those who bother to waste their money on it anyway).
They named this album "Velociraptor!" but I know for a FACT that if this dinosaur was existent today, they would rip out the gullet of the lead singer and leave the corpse for smaller animals. It wouldn't even bother trying to digest anymore of Kasabians' crap. There is the odd song that has a catchy beat but that is generally ruined by the 'what-rhymes-with-this-word' lyrics. Eg. They hunt for rabbits just like Yosemite Sam. Really? I mean....really? Is this meant to be like Yellow Submarine?
Small tip fellas, when in a recording studio, steer clear of acid and other such hallucinogens.
Dear Kasabian, please go back to the drawing board. Also, no one ever, will be as big as the beetles.
I give Velociraptor 1 bat out of 50 bats."
There you have it, look out Kasabian you pack of muts. We tend to agree with the motions bought forward by the review above, but a harsh 1/50 Bats, is, well, harsh. Anyway, it's not up to us in this instance. The Guest Blogger has spoken!!
Movie Review #3
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Starring: James Bond, Skinny chick with pale face, Christopher Plummer and a couple of other relatively famous hombres.
Plot: Old mate news reporter has to investigate the murder of some bird in a big house, which happened a while back. He gets help in his investigation from this super chick with tats, nose rings, a Can-Do attitude and the ability to temp sweet chicks into her lair. With a rad backing track, from presumably Trent Reznor, this is a must see movie. It has motorbikes and murder and some lesbian action. All you want in a film. And more.
What we think: This might actually be worth dragging out the old student card and sneaking in on concession. The books were cool, the Swedish version was cool and from all accounts, this will be raw doggin some randoms. Plus David Fincher can put together a film.
Rating: 9 Bats out of 11 Bats. (Only because the chick is a bit pale sometimes, I guess it is dark over there for 6 months of the year).
For your convenience, this is the link to watch it yourself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgeRXqMu3zc
We will report back from our night out on Saturday with, hopefully, more guest bloggers
Laterz
We have our first guest contributing to this gift to the world of literature. Due to the confidentiality agreement enforced here at the batcave, we are unable to identify said guest blogger, but he/she is an outside dweller, who has the distinct privilege of sharing her/his opinion through the Bat channel. This dynamic piece of reviewing will be followed by another movie review based on a trailer.
"Review of Kasabian: Velociraptor
When Kasabian made the bold claim that this album will shoot them to Beetles-worthy stardom, I giggled. I didn't realise they actually thought this was goin to happen. Oh how wrong they were. Being a Kasabian fan, I have watched their slow decline into ballads and self indulgence over the past albums. This new album, is the equivalent of Aldus Snows' "African Child". It is not only detrimental to the African population but the world population in general (for those who bother to waste their money on it anyway).
They named this album "Velociraptor!" but I know for a FACT that if this dinosaur was existent today, they would rip out the gullet of the lead singer and leave the corpse for smaller animals. It wouldn't even bother trying to digest anymore of Kasabians' crap. There is the odd song that has a catchy beat but that is generally ruined by the 'what-rhymes-with-this-word' lyrics. Eg. They hunt for rabbits just like Yosemite Sam. Really? I mean....really? Is this meant to be like Yellow Submarine?
Small tip fellas, when in a recording studio, steer clear of acid and other such hallucinogens.
Dear Kasabian, please go back to the drawing board. Also, no one ever, will be as big as the beetles.
I give Velociraptor 1 bat out of 50 bats."
There you have it, look out Kasabian you pack of muts. We tend to agree with the motions bought forward by the review above, but a harsh 1/50 Bats, is, well, harsh. Anyway, it's not up to us in this instance. The Guest Blogger has spoken!!
Movie Review #3
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Starring: James Bond, Skinny chick with pale face, Christopher Plummer and a couple of other relatively famous hombres.
Plot: Old mate news reporter has to investigate the murder of some bird in a big house, which happened a while back. He gets help in his investigation from this super chick with tats, nose rings, a Can-Do attitude and the ability to temp sweet chicks into her lair. With a rad backing track, from presumably Trent Reznor, this is a must see movie. It has motorbikes and murder and some lesbian action. All you want in a film. And more.
What we think: This might actually be worth dragging out the old student card and sneaking in on concession. The books were cool, the Swedish version was cool and from all accounts, this will be raw doggin some randoms. Plus David Fincher can put together a film.
Rating: 9 Bats out of 11 Bats. (Only because the chick is a bit pale sometimes, I guess it is dark over there for 6 months of the year).
For your convenience, this is the link to watch it yourself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgeRXqMu3zc
We will report back from our night out on Saturday with, hopefully, more guest bloggers
Laterz
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
4 members of the Jamaican Bobsled Team
Olla Citizens of Gotham,
Nice to see you again. Apparently we've gone big in the US (2 Views!!!!!!!), we feel quite comfortable in the fact that we may be moving out of the batcave and into a massive bat mansion with butlers and stuff reeeeal soon. Anyway, enough about that and straight into the tiger blood juice which is the batcave blog, of terror. We are diversifying from our usual direct factual accounts of life and are now going to start reviewing movies for you all. But we couldn't be arsed actually going to the movies so we are just going to review movies based on their trailers, if we see them on TV.
Movie Review #1
Abduction
Starring: we think it's one of the kids from Twilight (not the pasty one) and Sigourney Weaver.
Plot: We're fairly sure somebody got abducted, there was some background music, Sigourney is looking at Oscar buzz all up in her grill. From memory there was black car involved, typical of abductions
What we think: Don't bother, it stinks of a below par Mel Gibson movie, after he went all racial on the jews.
Rating: 3 Bats out of 10 Bats
Movie Review #2
Footloose
Starring: Some gimps
Plot: Looks to be the same as the one that was done back in the day, just minus Swayze and Baby. Pretty sure baby gets put in the corner this time for not having enough life skills. She also has a clubbed foot and can't dance properly
What we think: No Swayze, No deal!!!!!
Rating: No Swayze, No score!!!!
Heres some things we've being saying in the batcave recently
: Lets tango our way into a seniroitas pantalonas
: We don't kid about Quiche
Ok, so go out, don't go watch those movies. In all honesty they were probly worse than what we gave them credit for. And that is all we have to say today. I think we cluster bombed too much in the first couple of installments of this great read, so we are goin to collect knowledge, especially drunken knowledge and report back at a later date. Probably Hangover Sunday.
If you want to actually read a blog which is worth reading check out this dudes, if you're at work this should fill in an afternoon.
http://www.27bslash6.com/
Til next time habibs
Batcave Over and Out
Nice to see you again. Apparently we've gone big in the US (2 Views!!!!!!!), we feel quite comfortable in the fact that we may be moving out of the batcave and into a massive bat mansion with butlers and stuff reeeeal soon. Anyway, enough about that and straight into the tiger blood juice which is the batcave blog, of terror. We are diversifying from our usual direct factual accounts of life and are now going to start reviewing movies for you all. But we couldn't be arsed actually going to the movies so we are just going to review movies based on their trailers, if we see them on TV.
Movie Review #1
Abduction
Starring: we think it's one of the kids from Twilight (not the pasty one) and Sigourney Weaver.
Plot: We're fairly sure somebody got abducted, there was some background music, Sigourney is looking at Oscar buzz all up in her grill. From memory there was black car involved, typical of abductions
What we think: Don't bother, it stinks of a below par Mel Gibson movie, after he went all racial on the jews.
Rating: 3 Bats out of 10 Bats
Movie Review #2
Footloose
Starring: Some gimps
Plot: Looks to be the same as the one that was done back in the day, just minus Swayze and Baby. Pretty sure baby gets put in the corner this time for not having enough life skills. She also has a clubbed foot and can't dance properly
What we think: No Swayze, No deal!!!!!
Rating: No Swayze, No score!!!!
Heres some things we've being saying in the batcave recently
: Lets tango our way into a seniroitas pantalonas
: We don't kid about Quiche
Ok, so go out, don't go watch those movies. In all honesty they were probly worse than what we gave them credit for. And that is all we have to say today. I think we cluster bombed too much in the first couple of installments of this great read, so we are goin to collect knowledge, especially drunken knowledge and report back at a later date. Probably Hangover Sunday.
If you want to actually read a blog which is worth reading check out this dudes, if you're at work this should fill in an afternoon.
http://www.27bslash6.com/
Til next time habibs
Batcave Over and Out
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Japanese Number Three: san
Dear loyal Followers,
Once again we are about to blow your minds with cluster bombs of knowledge. We are drawing inspiration from our new Publicity manager. He has already put his nose to the grindstone and is out there wooing chicks with his charisma and natural non-ADHD charms. He actually recored a video resume which also won him massive amounts of brownie points!! It can be found here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEuJ3dLLYco&feature=share
Now, down to the good stuff!!! The hot topics that are confronting our world at the moment:
1. First World Problems
I have to admit, we here at the batcave, along with most humans on planet earth, have an abundance of problems, mainly being First World Problems. You hear about droughts, tsunamis, earthquakes and other natural disasters which, lets face it, are nothing in comparison to the ordeals we face every single day of our lives. Below are just some of the problems that we face, which are waaaaaay worse than 3rd world problems.
Problem: "Can't go out tonight, the power died and I can't straighten my hair"
Comparison: Horn of Africa has no water
Problem: "I ate too much food and now have to have a power spew"
Comparison: Horn of Africa has no food
Problem: "There is nothing on tv, I'm going to bed"
Comparison: Horn of Africa has no tv, nor beds
Problem: "Its too cooooooold, i can't find my jumper"
Comparison: Horn of Africa is too hot
Problem: "My internet is slow, and i can't download sweet tunes"
Comparison: Horn of Africas goats died due to hotness, no water, no food and no beds
Problem: "I'm hungover and can't be bothered driving 2kms to Maccas"
Comparison" Horn of Africa doesnt have maccas
So there is just a few of examples of how tough we all really have it, I don't know how we even live!!!!
2. The Wallabies and Aussie Cricket team
What's goin on here? The irish? the mob who all started dying in the 19th Century because they couldnt work out there was other food in the world besides potatoes, have destoyed us!!! We are usually fully behind our national teams, you know, until they lose, but this is different!!! They didnt even look like winning, and now, old Webb Ellis doesnt look liek coming back to our shores. Outrage!!!! and another 1st world problem.
The aussie cricketers just need warney and glen mcgrath back and we'll be fine. Warney will need to get back on the baked beans and pizzas so all we need to do is break him and Liz Hurley up. (Liz Hurley is more than welcomed at the batcave anytime). Ideas are needed for how we can break them up, im just assuming that we tell some english rag that liz is dating hugh grant and our problems will be solved. Mike Hussey is going great though, good on him.
3. Grocery Shopping
This next video is what we watch every sunday before we go grocery shopping.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwmOvHGzq1I
This could also work for entertaining lady folk, before you brush your teeth or play college football. At the moment at the bat cave the only one we are coming close to is playing college football for the Gators. Just kidding, our dental hygiene is impeccable, ladies.
Ok, thats all from the bat cave for now. we will be having an evening on entertainment to christen the cave, and as such have set up a registry at David Jones. We need a lamp the most. So whoever gets us that, we will give a shot of tequilla and a handshake.
"We ain't goin no where, we aint going no where, we cant be stopped now cos we're bad boys 4 lyf!!!"
That above quote is from our favourite song at the Bat cave. It's by our main man P.Diddy.
Laterz
Once again we are about to blow your minds with cluster bombs of knowledge. We are drawing inspiration from our new Publicity manager. He has already put his nose to the grindstone and is out there wooing chicks with his charisma and natural non-ADHD charms. He actually recored a video resume which also won him massive amounts of brownie points!! It can be found here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEuJ3dLLYco&feature=share
Now, down to the good stuff!!! The hot topics that are confronting our world at the moment:
1. First World Problems
I have to admit, we here at the batcave, along with most humans on planet earth, have an abundance of problems, mainly being First World Problems. You hear about droughts, tsunamis, earthquakes and other natural disasters which, lets face it, are nothing in comparison to the ordeals we face every single day of our lives. Below are just some of the problems that we face, which are waaaaaay worse than 3rd world problems.
Problem: "Can't go out tonight, the power died and I can't straighten my hair"
Comparison: Horn of Africa has no water
Problem: "I ate too much food and now have to have a power spew"
Comparison: Horn of Africa has no food
Problem: "There is nothing on tv, I'm going to bed"
Comparison: Horn of Africa has no tv, nor beds
Problem: "Its too cooooooold, i can't find my jumper"
Comparison: Horn of Africa is too hot
Problem: "My internet is slow, and i can't download sweet tunes"
Comparison: Horn of Africas goats died due to hotness, no water, no food and no beds
Problem: "I'm hungover and can't be bothered driving 2kms to Maccas"
Comparison" Horn of Africa doesnt have maccas
So there is just a few of examples of how tough we all really have it, I don't know how we even live!!!!
2. The Wallabies and Aussie Cricket team
What's goin on here? The irish? the mob who all started dying in the 19th Century because they couldnt work out there was other food in the world besides potatoes, have destoyed us!!! We are usually fully behind our national teams, you know, until they lose, but this is different!!! They didnt even look like winning, and now, old Webb Ellis doesnt look liek coming back to our shores. Outrage!!!! and another 1st world problem.
The aussie cricketers just need warney and glen mcgrath back and we'll be fine. Warney will need to get back on the baked beans and pizzas so all we need to do is break him and Liz Hurley up. (Liz Hurley is more than welcomed at the batcave anytime). Ideas are needed for how we can break them up, im just assuming that we tell some english rag that liz is dating hugh grant and our problems will be solved. Mike Hussey is going great though, good on him.
3. Grocery Shopping
This next video is what we watch every sunday before we go grocery shopping.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwmOvHGzq1I
This could also work for entertaining lady folk, before you brush your teeth or play college football. At the moment at the bat cave the only one we are coming close to is playing college football for the Gators. Just kidding, our dental hygiene is impeccable, ladies.
Ok, thats all from the bat cave for now. we will be having an evening on entertainment to christen the cave, and as such have set up a registry at David Jones. We need a lamp the most. So whoever gets us that, we will give a shot of tequilla and a handshake.
"We ain't goin no where, we aint going no where, we cant be stopped now cos we're bad boys 4 lyf!!!"
That above quote is from our favourite song at the Bat cave. It's by our main man P.Diddy.
Laterz
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Numero Deux
To our loyal followers,
Due to recent feedback that the first of our Batcave blogs was total shite, we are here to make amends and provide you with some topical discussions. So, here we go:
1. How the hell are we gonna get sweet marys to the Batcave?
We have no idea. Kidnapping is frowned upon. and talking to them in french hasn't worked. I am sick of looking at smoking hot bitches, on tv, in the movies, on the train, in planes, at the gym, at the bus stop, walking down the street, at work and at the Vatican. Allegedly, theres a man drought in sydney. Well look out ladies, the Batcave is ready for business. Well after we purchase our erotic, but tasteful art for the wall, we will be ready for business. I'm perfectly sure our two, and only followers, could ellaborate how to pick up said hotties. Having said that I know one of them tricked his current girlfriend into liking him by pretending he wasnt drunk.
Things that may work include:
- Lying through the skin of our teeth.
- being nice and smiling constantly
- going to the gym 8 days a week and looking like Thor
- getting some chick to go shopping ang pick our neat clothes for us.
- learning enough french to let them think we are cultured, without sounding like massive nerdburgers.
Things that won't work:
- yelling at them
- loitering outside their windows.
- dancing like you're playing basketball.
- being the drunkest human on earth but still thinking you are smooth as silk
2. How fucking good is Peri-Peri Sauce?!?
This second chapter of this blog, thati'm already getting over writing, is dedicated to peri peri sauce. It is tops. We use it in our scramble eggs in the morning (recommended to the max), and we made Grillz' burgers look and taste like they were made by a hobo named Geoffery with no thumbs and a stutter. It comes in mild, kinda hot and fuck-my-mouth hot. It is delicious. We can't stress this enough. This is what the ladies who do venture into the batcave like lost deer are in for, delicious food covered in peri peri sauce. Unless they like Salmon cos we cook that good too without peri peri sauce.
3. Shut up Manly
For gods sake, can you pretentious wankfests complain anymore about everything??? You didnt play at Brooky......so what....you knew you weren't at the start of the year, you all agreed to it. So 14000 people turn up, to a ground 20 minutes away from your homeground......and you whinge you would have got 20 000. So 6000 people couldnt be bothered about going 20mins??? coolest and best fans ever. Go Knights!!
4. Guests Bloggers
We are gonna need some guest bloggers cos i cant keep this up.
Bat Cave OOOuuuutttttt
Due to recent feedback that the first of our Batcave blogs was total shite, we are here to make amends and provide you with some topical discussions. So, here we go:
1. How the hell are we gonna get sweet marys to the Batcave?
We have no idea. Kidnapping is frowned upon. and talking to them in french hasn't worked. I am sick of looking at smoking hot bitches, on tv, in the movies, on the train, in planes, at the gym, at the bus stop, walking down the street, at work and at the Vatican. Allegedly, theres a man drought in sydney. Well look out ladies, the Batcave is ready for business. Well after we purchase our erotic, but tasteful art for the wall, we will be ready for business. I'm perfectly sure our two, and only followers, could ellaborate how to pick up said hotties. Having said that I know one of them tricked his current girlfriend into liking him by pretending he wasnt drunk.
Things that may work include:
- Lying through the skin of our teeth.
- being nice and smiling constantly
- going to the gym 8 days a week and looking like Thor
- getting some chick to go shopping ang pick our neat clothes for us.
- learning enough french to let them think we are cultured, without sounding like massive nerdburgers.
Things that won't work:
- yelling at them
- loitering outside their windows.
- dancing like you're playing basketball.
- being the drunkest human on earth but still thinking you are smooth as silk
2. How fucking good is Peri-Peri Sauce?!?
This second chapter of this blog, thati'm already getting over writing, is dedicated to peri peri sauce. It is tops. We use it in our scramble eggs in the morning (recommended to the max), and we made Grillz' burgers look and taste like they were made by a hobo named Geoffery with no thumbs and a stutter. It comes in mild, kinda hot and fuck-my-mouth hot. It is delicious. We can't stress this enough. This is what the ladies who do venture into the batcave like lost deer are in for, delicious food covered in peri peri sauce. Unless they like Salmon cos we cook that good too without peri peri sauce.
3. Shut up Manly
For gods sake, can you pretentious wankfests complain anymore about everything??? You didnt play at Brooky......so what....you knew you weren't at the start of the year, you all agreed to it. So 14000 people turn up, to a ground 20 minutes away from your homeground......and you whinge you would have got 20 000. So 6000 people couldnt be bothered about going 20mins??? coolest and best fans ever. Go Knights!!
4. Guests Bloggers
We are gonna need some guest bloggers cos i cant keep this up.
Bat Cave OOOuuuutttttt
Sunday, 11 September 2011
Living at the bat Cave Part Un
Hungover stop Stay tuned for more great posts such as this one with cutting edge updates, like this one stop Due to obvious hungover reasons this first blog will mostly contain facts, how to live when you're in the Bat Cave, how we will attempt to lure sweet marys to the Bat Cave with our charms and cool funny jokes and of course, why I spent $1000 in two days at the X stop FML stop
Part Un complete stop
Part Un complete stop
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