2011

Even though the year doesn't officially end (according to the bureau of statistics) for another couple of days, we thought we would conclude 2011 with one last outstanding effort of literature. Be warned though, this will be one mammoth blog, so make sure you have no plans, your babies are locked in their rooms, or cars if you're a shit parent, and get ready to reminisce about the good times that happened over the past year.

The Beginning of Le Bat Cave

The story of how the Batcave come about has been shrouded in mystery for centuries, but we will finally reveal all its secrets. Prior to August 2011, when us pair of rebel renegades formally announced that the residence would be known as Le Bat Cave, there were a pair of ladies living here, and they had named it Chateau Marmont. While we are all about the french and their baguette eating ideals, this name wouldn't fly while we were around due to our lack of candles and Japanese art on the wall. In other terms, we morphed the chateau into a man cave. From this point on we have been living our lives without a care in the world, trying to lure babes and trying to get to the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2012, having coffees and drinking Captain Morgan.

Whats Happened?

From memory loads of stuff happened but we won't go through every single little thing and just give you the highlights

1. Mugabe (Zimbo dictator) was the Inaugural winner of Last Dictator Standing. He fought off some some stiff competition from the little puppet out of Team America, who coincidentally is now a stiff himself. This achievement was no small feat as most of the African Leaders were wiped out in round one.

2. Summer never came. There are a number a reasons why this has occurred. Meteorologists will give you some bullshit excuse about some Spanish war princess named La Nina but there are only two really plausible reasons. The first is that we went out and bought a portable air conditioner, and the second is Julia's Carbon tax has actually worked. I'm pretty sure we aren't paying a tax to bring about the swift return of an Ice Age though Julia, Sort. It. Out!!

3. In the last blog we gave you a super exclusive about JP4, which turns out was not quite correct. That was only a first draft written by George Lucas, and we all know the last Indiana Jones was an absolute sham job, so Spielberg has informed us that he is re-writing it personally and he has given us the inside running of what the script will actually contain. A more accurate way to sum up that last sentence is  he gave us 5 options of what might be in the script, and we have good news; they are being based on movies that have been made already!!
a) Schindler's List: Just like Santa, Schinder had a list. Schindler was a nice German who saved thousands of Polish-Jews from that gimp Adolf. Schindler will be played by a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and he will eat Nazis.
b) Dinosaurs vs Predator: The dinosaurs have eaten all the humans, the Predators turn up, the dinosaurs eat all the Predators.
c) Valentines Day: Pretty much the same plot, except the men are played by Velociraptors and the ladies are  played by whoever played them in the last Valentines Day movie.
d) Apollo 13. This classic about that space mission that nearly made it to the moon but run out of petrol will pretty much be the same except all the people at Houston will be played by Dinosaurs and the disaster was created from the dinosaurs poor workmanship.
e) Mad Max. Mel Gibson is pretty much a dinosaur, so it's pretty much a reshoot.

4. Foo Fighters and Wombats rocked our worlds. Yep, they did.

So that's it, that's pretty much all that happened in the last year. On a more specific Bat Cave related note, we have christened the Bat Cave. And I think that should be the biggest highlight of all.

And because we know you love them so much, here are the final movie reviews for 2011.

Tower Heist
Starring: Zoolander, The guy from Eddie Murphy's Raw, Ferris Bueller, The old dude from Mash, Ben Afflecks little brother
What Happens: The title of this movie is pretty much a massive spoiler alert. Zoolander and his mates have been dudded by Hawk Eye or Hot Lips or whoever the hell he played in M*A*S*H, who has stole all their Rolex watches and shoes. The guy from Raw, who has been in gaol previously because he literally stole 45 cats from a pet shop, tries to morph the band of merry men into a SWATesque unit through the use of outdated humour and volume enhanced talking. In the end, Hot Lips has a heart attack because he is about 110 years old, everyone gets their shoes back and they live in the tower forever.
What we think: Great line-up of comedy gold, plus a tower and a heist. What could be bad about this? Not enough total babes is the answer, where are the babes?
Score: An Empire State Building out of the Eiffel Tower and Centrepoint Tower

Tin-Tin
Starring: Computers
What Happens: This is every Rangas wet dream, a hero with red hair. Based on the character written by some Belgian fella, who may or may not have been a Ranga himself, this film sees the title character travel across deserts on a yacht. He also travels across water on yachts. This kid travels everywhere by yacht. His mission, if he chooses to accept it, which he does, is to fight baddies from his yacht with his dog Scotty or Snowy or whatever, and to just generally have a fun time on his Contiki Tour of Europe.
What we think: Honestly, it's about time a Ranga has been in the spotlight as a super action star. Nicole Kidman and Pippi Long Stockings definitely don't count as heroes. Nor does the Sherminator. For a movie made by computers it doesn't look too bad really, plus it will be a major draw card for all those with a panache for sailing.
Score: 17 tinnies out of 26 rubber duckies

Ok, that concludes this years blogging. Hope you've enjoyed it more than we have writing it. What a pain in the arse. Don't expect it to get better in 2012, but expect it to come back anyway.

And remember, New Years Eve is all about getting one last shot away with the babes, so get out there, offer champagne and be real classy so when midnight rolls around you are in with a shot to 1. Get a smooch, 2. Seal the Deal

From your friends at the Bat Cave
Good Night