More tales of woe

Well the weekend is well and truly over and we are only just now getting over our outrageous hangovers incurred at Batcave-a-Palooza. For those of you not in the know, or just weren't invited, we had celebrations at the Crowie to commemorate how outstanding at life we are. This unfortunately resulted in a variety of unfortunate events which will now be elaborated on. On a side note, we would usually get to the bottom of such stories a lot sooner but unfortunately with age comes an inability to handle copious amounts of our own patented drink the "Black Jaffa". Those who know us away from the blogosphere will know that this is the term we use when not intending to start race riots.

Batcave-a-Palooza Round-up

- First of all by the time either of us had even made it back to the cave after destroying opposition in our respective sports, hoodlums had taken over and were sitting on the ottomon and various other places where people would sit, like chairs. They looked glum so we put on a sick playlist and then told them we wouldn't be feeding them, they looked glum again. More people turned up so we decided to go to the crowie. Not before dealing out some Black jaffas to our fans. And that'd where the memories get a little hazy. However this is about the last time one of us seen our keys for a day and a half.

- What kind of night would it be without some City Lemsipper action though. pretty dull. Anyway, thankfully this time he decided to tame down his classic antics and just destroy our drinking utensils.

- The Crowie was alright. the bouncers used their excessive bouncing skills, poor outlook on life and relatively high BMI to make sure that we weren't up to no good. Unfortunately, no good was nearly everyone's middle name. From the Chika who got kicked out because of her elegant stack in between the stage and the speaker, or the Chika who decided to be the first to spew in the Crowie. )Mind you it was in the seedy room that smells like spew, now we know why).

The next day was total death. Like we mean 'Where's the Coolade?" kinda stuff.

Coffee Black and Fringe Monster stayed over for another night. Ate the leftovers and then we had maybe the worst case of fraping on planet Earth. Unless FM is really just into Beastiality, Spanish and reach arounds off college graduates....


A good final celebration was had, and people really appreciated us giving them free drinks. Thanks for everyone that came out to watch Black caviar win with us (Pretty sure we missed that). 

Breakthrough in Science

The end is nigh. Well nigher than last week when we dropped the ultimate bombshell that Le Batcave's days were nearly numbered. Anyway, we were thinking of ways in which we could give an adequate farewell seeing as though we have left a remarkable impression on not only the blogging community of Planet Earth, but also the internet as a whole. In true Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson style, we have created the ultimate bucket list (on a budget). Our Bucket List will be the best way to farewell our man pad which was home (for short periods of time) to numerous babes. We are known for our outlandish list making, and the end of our supremacy will be no different.

Bucket List
- Get way more Babes to come back to our mouldy hellhole.We realise that publicly calling our Man hut a mouldy hell hole will not really entice many awesome babes, we rely on the fact that their are some total sickos out there.
- Go to a places we have not been within a 200m radius. These include Foxtrot, that other place, and those other two places.
- Get a Victoria's Secret Model to acknowledge us on Facebook, or Twitter. We aren't actually on Facebook, so our best bet is Twitter. Rather than hassling them for tickets, we'll just shoot for a hello and a picture of their boobs.
- Review more things that mean nothing. Stay posted over the coming weeks for non-stop reviewing of not only movies but food, washing machines, the Weather and locations, names and other things that we think of when we are hungover.

We better not set too many goals, because that will draw us closer to failure. Which is not an option!!!

In other news, the Crowie will hold what will be the least impressive gathering of minds since the 2011 Nobel Prize, this Saturday. We will endevour to take incriminating photos of all party guests and then post them on this blog, as a WORLD EXCLUSIVE!!!!!!

Urgent and Horrifying News Story

The Batcave is ending.

The reign of terror is coming to a halt as one of the members is turning back to his Mexican heritage. As such, this begins the countdown to the "End of Days". And luckily as well because we are running out of things to write about.

Anyway, we don't want to dwell on this devastating news for too long, so we will move right ahead into more outstanding blogging. Mainly pictures this time because our creative juices are not flowing, mainly due to the fact we are not incredibly hungover this Saturday (Shocking, we know).


Side Salads in Penrith

$3 well spent..................

Irate Cab Drivers

Cab Drivers are a funny bunch. They are either happy, or genuinely frustrated with how their lives have panned out (thus why they are driving cabs). Last night we had a very pleasurable experience with one of those cab drivers that is entirely ecstatic with the way his life has panned.

After enjoying a delicious meal of Thai food, we hopped in a cab to take us back to an unidentifiable location  outside the general area of the Batcave. The cab driver did not speak a word the whole time, which to be honest, was fine, because we were tired and the usual small talk encountered would have just been depressing. Anyway the real action started when the it was time to pay the moolah. This experience will be summarised in point form:

• The fare was $33.50, we only had a $50, the cab driver (in customer service) had no change. He asks if we could pay by card because he doesn't have the change so we agree to pay via card.
• Paying by card means we pay an extra 10%. This is total bullshit. Why should we have to pay extra because the cab driver hasn't got the right change? We ask him this. This is when he goes from passive driver to totally angry man. 
• Angry Man is now yelling at us to pay the extra money because the machine that makes the transaction is not his. We say we aren't paying the extra. He starts demanding. Anyway, at this stage, our travel companion has swaggered back to the cab and has now instigated a verbal war with Angry Man. This results in Angry Man getting angrier.
• Eventually, through our powers of passive persuasion we talk him into giving us $20 change. Which means he lost $3. But the best thing that come out of this guys mouth was this. When yelling at our lady colleague,"Shut-up you stupid Woman". 
• Now, we try and remain tolerant of idiots and people who think they know more than us. But this guy was the biggest, angriest idiot we have ever met. But his judgement of women is ridiculous. We are all about the babes, we wonder what he would have called the Victoria's Secret models? He has probably never even watched any of the runway specials, and for that, he should be deported with his angry attitude.

We won't get all racial, but we are pretty sure that guys name was Angry Aladdin.  

And that is rant complete. 

Things you may find in Railway Lines

As you all know, you find things in the last place where you look. Whoever left their dildo/vibrator on the railway track is going to have a hell of a time, firstly, remembering where they put it, and then retrieving it. We were in Blacktown, so the suspects of whom has committed this horrific crime, are pretty much narrowed down to anyone who was lined up outside Centrelink this morning.

So kids, if in some sort of fit of passion you decide to thrust your vibrator skywards in glee, make sure you aren't standing next to a railway line, or better yet, laying in the railway line.

You may have noticed there is a lot of Blacktown bashing going on, and this will continue until such a time as work no longer needs to be carried out there.

The Day After Yesterday Three Days Ago

The main problem with Winter is that it is nothing short of the worst thing ever. Fortunately we have formulated a plan in order to combat the winter chill and because we are just stand-up guys, we will share our knowledge bombs with you now.

1. Stay inside. We will assume that most of you reading have a roof over your heads (even though those beggars in the city seem to be doing quite well for themselves, although we are yet to see them carrying around I-Pads) and therefore this step is applicable to you. No matter what, stay inside! Do not go to work, we cannot emphasize this enough. Winter will take it's icy grip on you if you even dare to exit the walls holding up that roof we mentioned previously.

2. Wear a scarf. Heaven forbid you have not heeded our warning and have decided to enter the wintery world. But if you have, don't go looking for an oven to stick your head into, just go buy a scarf, and then wear it. This fashionable accessory is worn by many people, including Victoria's Secret Models and Noble Businessman, so therefore it is unisex and we condone it. Unisex things we don't condone are the leotard and plaits.

3. Don't go West. West = more cold than you already are. West is the devil. If you live on the East Coast your best bet is to hire some kind of sea vessel and head for the North. Continuing East at this latitude will only mean you stay the same deathly temperature, because unfortunately everything is west somewhere.

4. Here is a list of places we especially don't recommend:
- Blacktown: Unfortunately some of us have to work at this Winterish hell hole. In the rain. No, that isn't tears running down our faces from being in Blacktown, that's torrential rain running down our faces from being in Blacktown.
- The Blue Mountains: This should be common sense. It snows up there, but don't take your snowboard because there are no slopes, there is just sleet and runny noses.
- Harris Park: It's just shit

5. Don't pay the Carbon Tax: isn't it supposed to be getting warmer, which means nicer winters?? The people making these rules and taxes obviously don't have beach bodies, and they probably have braces. Stop the boats too, they have something to do with it.

And there you have it, a full proof plan on how to survive Winter. Don't thank us all at once, but we will take gifts and charitable donations in order to kill all the mould in the garage. If mould was worth money, or we were the conveyors of fine cheese, we would be millionaires.