Voldemort

If you are an avid reader, you will recollect that a while back we made some outlandish accusations about making life goals and then completing them. True to form, we can't remember what we actually said we were going to do, and couldn't really be bothered to go through the excellent reading material in search of what we wrote down. So we'll just start again and now inform you we have only one life goal. Just one, but it's quite large. Get a ticket to the 2012 Victorias Secret fashion Show. We don't know if it's possible to fall in love multiple times (as we don't bother with love) but we're fairly sure that we fell in love at least 56 times in 42 minutes. It's love, or lust, nope, definately love.

There will be certain steps that will need to be taken in order to accomplish our goal. We only have a year, but with the following tactics we are sure to reach our goal:

1. Become Celebrities
- The quickest way to become a celebrity would be to go on Big Brother or Burgo's Catchphrase. Or this blog needs to take off, but really, the only blogs that are worthy of free tickets to anything are the ones that rag on celebrities, so in essence that is both hypocritical and ironic. Plus we prefer to rag on people we've actually met.

2. Donate a tonne of money to Alzheimer Research
- Believe it or not we googled the easiest way to get a ticket to the show and the first answer was to donate $25000 to Alzheimers. Whilst we are all for the charitable donations of funds to poor kids, bits of coral and any old mug with a limp and a bad haircut, that is an excessive amount of money to be giving to charity. It is tax deductible, but we arent taking loans out to give money to people who forget they were given the money anyway. We could just tell them we donated it, and because they can't remember getting it, they would just agree politely. (much the same as when you can't understand someone, so you just say "yeah" and smile).

3. Get in a loving relationship with one of the models.
- I don't think our personalities are going to get us through this one.

4. Become Rockstars
- Seal. Adam Levine. Old mate from Kings of Leon. There's a trend there. The unfortunate part is that we are as musically challenged as a deaf mute and our only encounters with playing sweet tunes are from our primary school days where we learned guitar and clarinet. One of us played Grandmas Feather Bed at a school concert, let's just say the crowd wasn't yelling out "Encore", they were more concerned as to why a 9 year old was putting on a deep southern accent to belt out the chorus line. And i've never heard of any clarinet players making the big time, but we don't usually run in those circles, so maybe there is a massive underground clarinet movement taking the world by storm................yeah, right.

I think that should cover it. Getting our 15minutes should ensure a ticket, and then we can just melt away into the abyss

Now, to our next topic: Luring women. We haven't touched on this in a while, and it's about time we updated you all on our success......cough......It will actually be more of a guide of what women really don't want to hear. Actually, we should right a book called "How not to pick up women"

"Do you want to come back to my place?" This does work, but not to strangers you haven't laid any ground work with. Its like trying to eat cereal without a bowl and a spoon. You need a bowl, minimum.

 BC "Do you want some chips?
 Lady: "No thanks, I don't eat maccas chips?"
 BC " Oh, ok, how bout some sex then?"
 Lady: *Stonecold silence*
First dates to Maccas, as well as the offering of Maccas will get you nowhere. After all, whens the last time Ronald McDonald got any action? His choices are a man who wants to steal his possessions, a literal bird and a big purple blob.

BC "Do you like my moe?"
Lady "Not really, it looks seedy"
BC "Well, it's not, do you want to touch it?
Lady "Ok"
Lady "It feels worse than it looks"
BC "It doesnt look as bas as yours"
Lady *Walks off*
Moes are great babe repellant. That is all

Alright, enough of that. Stay tuned for the next episode where we will travel to Borneo and film ourselves getting lost, eating Pandas and using our survival skills we learnt one night in Parramatta.