Evening,
The Batcave is looking more like a Lamp Cemetery at present. We have received 3 generous lamp donations and all have met a rapid demise, so they are all in the corner (with baby). Lamp one fell apart all over the Batcave floor. Lamp two had its chord dangling from the rear of one of the Bat Mobiles leaving it all mong and stuff. And Lamp three broke in half. Being awesome CSI's we have discovered a common link between all these lamps, and its not one of the Batcave members being full rio, its Ikea. All made in Sweden. Never trust a Swede in a lamp shop. Now to more pressing matters:
I think we can safely say that in our time at the Batcave not many of the Worlds hardest hitting issues have been solved in comparison to how many have been addressed. This is about to change. With our think tanks set to Kosovo and our knowledge beyond comprehension, we have cornered a couple of issues faced by not only by Batcavers, but also the common man. So be prepared for your brain to melt:
Dieting
Reaction to dieting is often typified by fat people wondering why the lettuce on their Big Macs doesn't make them skinny like Kate Moss. There are, allegedly, so many ways to make us thinner and therefore absolute sexy machines. Forget exercise; diets can make you slimmer, more attractive and weigh less than your former fat self. We at the Batcave have discovered a way in which people wishing to lose a few of those extra pesky 35-40 kilos can do so, without having to resort to Bulimia or drinking copious amounts of Coconut Milk. The answer is Ramadan.
Having not really researched the topic, and only making assumptions which lead to wild accusations, Ramadan is a period of a month in the Islamic calender year where followers aren't allowed to eat during daylight hours. This means they can only go to town after dark. From having not eaten all day, everyone is too tired to think about eating and go straight to sleep as soon as the sun goes down. You will be thin in no time!!!!!
The con of this diet is obviously that the other 11 months of the year are a fat kids wet dream and there's only one month of sexy time. (Fortunately for the ladyfolk, Ramadan doesn't fall during Movember) So if you have that wedding coming up, school formal or any other event where it is fashionable to rock in weighing 42.5 kilos, make sure its on after Ramadan. Otherwise, don't turn up and eat a pie. Also you may have to convert to Islam to participate.
The word "Mong"
This word is brandished about willy nilly by any old Tom, Dick and/or Harry with half a vocabulary and knowledge of the English language. Recently there has been uproar at the use of this word by super funny dude Ricky Gervais. (Once again, no real research has gone into clearing up what actually was said, cos the Batcave ain't got no twitter, so just keep that in mind before you put gypsy curses on us) We are on team Gervais on this one. I think we can all agree that words barely have any meaning what so ever anymore, and this word has just turned into a descriptive word for an idiot. Plus Ricky Gervais makes us laugh, and that my friends is the key to any good relationship.....allegedly.
Changes in the Weather
One day its hot, the next day it's cold. Whats going on El Nino? Or is it the government? Yes, its all the Governments fault.
What Happens when you spew on your shoe?
Clean it up before you leave, and if anyone asks its Yoghurt.
Hopefully your brains are in tact from the deluge of problems being solved, because its time to review some movies....
Review #1 Twilight
Starring: That pasty kid and his missus, that guy from Abduction, a State Forrest
What Happens: The pasty guy and his missus get married but apparently this isn't happy times because everyone looks super sad. She hugs someone else other than her husband (whore) and then looks generally forlorn for the rest of the trailer. They all go to some big forrest for a dance party but they all stand around doing nothing because the only music that anyone bought was this sad symphany orchestra track which sums up their glumness for being alive.
What we think: Having not seen any of the Twilights, its hard to assess whats going on here. That dude needs to see some sun though, his Vitamin D levels must be at dangerously low levels. It has a wedding in it, and as a general rule of thumb, we try and stay clear of any movies with weddings in it
Score: 1 Vampire out of a Werewolf
Review #2 Warrior
Starring: Joel Edgerton, Tom Hardy, Nick Nolte, a couple of MMA Fighters and a hot chick
What Happens: Joel and Tom are brothers. Tom is mean, Joel is nice. Papa Nick Nolte loves them both equally, but they think they have to fight for his love because their mother may or may not have run away when they were just little. They have to fight each other, after they both beat Brock Lesner.
What we think: This actually looks pretty good. Worth a watch. Plus it's about to sky rocket Joel Edgerton into A-List Hot chick heaven.
Score: A knockout blow to the face
Well that's all for another enthralling installment. If you are doubtful at all about whether or not you are actually loving this here are some testimonials:
Gary, Adelaide: Top stuff Batcave, I wish I could live in the Batcave
Jenny, Sydney: Are you guys single because I want to be all up in dat
New York Times: 5 Star, too good for actual words, Yeerrddddyyy!!!!
Ok, that's all from us, Stay Safe, look out for trick or treaters!!!
Laterz
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