Final Review!!

Because we didn't want to give away the surprise too early of what will be our last movie review, we decided not to put it in the heading line but add it in the first paragraph. Mind blowing, we know. And we have definitely (not) left the best for last. We've covered some great movies since we started back in our glory days as a couple of easy-come-easy-go bachelors with great attitudes and fashion accessorizing techniques, but this last one is quite a doozy. Before you all have strokes, the final review is........................................................Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter

Review Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Starring: Wise Old Abe, Presumably the pasty guy from Twilight (Unconfirmed), Probably a babe
What Happens: Because Old Abe wasn't born with a filthy neck beard and a big shove-pipe hat, he obviously had to the pass the time before he became somehow relevant to American History. As a boy, his mother was eaten by vampires (they didn't try to turn her, they just ate her all up) and this made him really angry, but he couldn't do anything about it because he was just a wimpy child. This coming-of-age teen sex romp is basically the adolescent years of Abe. From his first girlfriend (werewolf) to dealing with his lost cat (werewolf), this take on his life explores the inner workings of this Vampire Hunters mind. He shows great skills as a lumberjack, cutting through large oak trees in a single hit. He shows excellent navigation skills by riding on top of a cargo train which has been lit on fire by a vampire (most likely). But the greatest thing it shows is how Abraham Lincoln killed all the vampires (except the ones from Twilight, Underworld and Blade) so we can live as free humans today. What a legendary Dude.
What do we think: What a crock of shit. What's next? George Washington:International Male Model, or Julia Gillard: Penguin Look-a-like Contest Participant. Hollywood must be running out of ideas, and in a hurry. Oh and for a teen sex romp, where's all the drugs???
Score: 1 Stove-pipe Hat out of 1 Gazillion Stove Pipe Hats. This is the same guy who got assassinated by John Wilkes Boothe? (Our American History knowledge base is built on heresay and conjecture) But can kill a shit tonne of vampires. Very Real.