The Avengers, Battleship: Reviewed

In order to streamline our reviewing process, rather than giving a score or whatever we have been doing, from now on a movie's likability will be based on either two feelings. We will be either frothing, or spewing. Obviously if we like it, we will be frothing and if we don't, spewing. If we have no feelings one way or the other than we will just say something extraordinary. David and Margaret will be turning in their graves....when they die. So without further delay, here are out latest round of reviews  


Avengers
Starring: Iron Man, ScarJo, Thor, The Hulk, Captain America, Samuel L
What Happens: Unfortunately for Planet Earth, they are under attack from some kind of pissed off Alien race, (According to Hollywood, we piss off A LOT of alien races and we get invaded more often than a Mexican jumps the border) so it is up to this bunch of lovable misfits to save the human race. Which in all honestly should not be that difficult considering they have Thor, the Norse God of Thunder. He is super buff and has general swagger. This means that he does most of the work and everyone else tries to bust sweet moves on ScarJo who is looking totally babe-alicious in her super tight leather get-up. In fact, that's why the aliens have invaded, to try and bust moves on ScarJo, but unfortunately for all alien races in every movie ever, they are ugly and have rubbish personalities. Even their mothers don't love them. In the end, of course, because we aren't dead, the Avengers avenge and ScarJo goes out on a date Samuel L because he's the boss.
What we think: This seems like a watchable movie, brains will be turned off and popcorn devoured. ScarJo is hot as, so on that basis alone we are FROTHING

Battleship
Starring: John Carter of Mars, Liam Neeson, Rhianna, A couple of Tugboats
What Happens: Whilst traversing the ocean, a giant cruise ship filled Naval Soldiers on there day off literally runs over a body in the water. Accusing each other of murder, this mystery/thriller shows the investigation of every single person on the cruise ship at the time of the "incident". What follows is a teenage sex romp involving once again, pissed off aliens. This time these aliens have big ships which they have parked on the bottom of the ocean, which in our opinion would be the best place to hide, ever. The biggest dilemma the sex fueled teens have confronting them is what kind of bullets they are going to use to shoot the hapless aliens. The aliens are generally disgruntled throughout and this shows when they throw their alien shredding machines into Seattle, home of the Sonics. We don't really know what the stars of the movie are doing, but they constantly look bewildered and look like they've been playing in the mud eating worms.
What we think: This is transformers without Megatron. It's a mixture between Waterworld, Transformers, Downton Abbey, Fast and the Furious and Survivor. It is also a good opportunity not to think about the GFC and they price of renting in Sydney. Also, as an added bonus, Rhianna is a sexy naval officer who is out for a good time, she's sexy. This makes us happy.  We are FROTHING.

And that's about it, we still are none the wiser of who One Direction are apart from the fact that they come from Great Britain and they aren't Take That.