Home and Away is a television show on the Seven Network, and has been around for at least 70 years. It was around before the invention of television as a travelling musical that played to small theatres all across Sydney. Even though it has been on for that long, we have never watched a full episode.......until last night. Due to the township of Lithgow being an absolute dick hole, we were unable to find feasible entertainment, especially in the good looking women department. On a side note, if anyone knows why Lithgow is such a depressing hole, please inform us as Karaoke was dead!!!! Luckily we know how to sing Kissed by a Rose fairly well and were able to entertain the townsfolk that were present, which we named Chubbs, Tat Rat, and Toothless George. But we digress, back to Home and Away. The only thing that we can say is that we wished we went to Summer Bay High (if that's even what it's called) during our schooling as there was not a single unattractive school girl there (we say this in the most innocent, non-pedo way possible). Also, the guy who was getting all the babes looked like a total gimp with a stupid fringe, and not a cool hipster fringe, one of those fringes that Norman Bates wore. Instead of reviewing a movie this post, we will summarise this one single episode of Home and Away which we watched on mute, just to make things clearer for us.
Home&Away: Season 67 Episode 9: Trying to Pick up Babes without a Surfboard
Summary: There were two smoking hot babes at some sort of kiosk having a cup of coffee, presumably talking about where the rips are located on the beach, or how much they enjoy talking to surfers. That went on for a bit. Then there was these other two chicks, who were obviously supposed to be sitting their HSC, but were off trying to help this fringe monkey try to pick up this other girl who was also at the kiosk. We think that the two hotties with fringy were trying to make the other one jealous, that's what we would have done if we were local youngsters at the kiosk. Fringy is obviously a bit shy (which will get babes anyway) and when he talks to the girl that isn't the other two girls, she walks off to do some schoolwork. Fringy looks sad. Cut scene.
In another part of Summer Bay, at a swing set there is this short kid and this other EMO girl who wears mittens in summer. They are both swinging talking about their sex lives, which, Thank the Lord, are non-existent because they are literally 12 years old!! This goes on for a while until they make out all awkwardly because it is their first time and they don't know what they're doing. Cut Scene.
Back to Fringy who is now standing in a garden talking to this other person (who could be either male or female, we don't remember) and then he starts taking off his clothes. Medically, we think he has had a nervous breakdown. Realistically, he just didn't get the babe he was after and was just really sad, so took all his clothes off. Mind you, he has somehow convinced all these chicks to hang out with him, and like him, so we have no idea why he is standing nude in a garden by the ocean, and not standing outside their windows, nude. Cut Scene
What we thought: The first thing we noticed about this particular episode of Home and Away, was the absence of old racism enthusiast Alf Stewart. We assume he was in his rape dungeon, prepping. Find Out More Here. Honestly, who cares, we won't be watching anymore because it makes us sad that Fringe Monsters with mental issues get to hang out with smoking hot babes. We can do it in real life, in Le Bat Cave.
So now you're updated on that. And just to add on, we do not advocate for any reason travelling to Lithgow. Even though we made good friends with the Pub Owner, there were zero babes!!! Apparently Chelsea left to go to Newcastle and she was the last of the Mohicans as it were.
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