Chicks......

Chicks are sweet. For the most part anyway. They are sweet up until the point they start disgracing themselves with grand ideas of being able to drink copious amounts of alcohol and not be affected by it. The tales we are about to tell are true, the names have been changed to protect their privacy from the millions of prying eyes reading this update. Keep in mind that we allow these cheekas to be our friends, but with the events of last night/this morning, they are skating on some seriously thin ice, like we mean wafer thin ice. Anyway, please continue reading and have a lovely day.

Episode One: The Saturday Night

Generally we encourage having a few sneaky beverages to relax the body and mind. There is a clear cut difference between being relaxed and being so "relaxed" that you can't stand up or talk properly. There were three phases to Cheeka #1's fall from grace. Phase 1 started at approximately 6pm with Vodka Cranberries. Phase 2 started at 10pm, and it was the beginning of the end. In between Phase 1 and 2 the key ingredient to the demise was Vodka, friend to the Russians, enemy to the cheeka. By the time Phase 2 rolled around the ability to co-ordinate simple walking, which had been learned as a 2 year old (Or however old children start walking), had been replaced by more of a crab-walk/falling walk and a rather poor attitude towards anyone visible. Phase 2 ended with being denied entry into one of our favourite local haunts, The Argyle. Commence Phase 3 aka the Apocalypse. Phase 3 will be summarised in point form.

1. Get Cheeka into taxi. Harder than you think when said Cheeka has lost co-ordination skills. Convince taxi driver that she'll be fine and to take us back to Le Batcave in record time.
2. Good news, we made it to Le Batcave. Bad News, we parked 50m from the entrance to the cave so therefore it has to take half an hour to get there. The main time constraint was stopping to walk up gutters (5mins per gutter) and stopping to have sneaky spews in hair and on ground (20mins)
3. Le Batcave entered. Get girly a drink of water to help the sobering process, this is met with general disgust and filthy looks. Put cheeka in bed, get beer from fridge and sit down for a quiet night of documentary viewing.
4. 5mins later. cheeka is out of bed and now spewing, in the dark, in the sink. After turning on the light so she could at least see where she was spewing, a considerate "Are you alright?" was met with a "Do I look alright?" then accusations that lovable Batcaver didn't care anyway before proceeding to throw lovable batcavers toothbrush into spew. (Definite Highlight)
5. Put cheeka back to bed. After watching great documentary decide to clamber into bed, for some reason, with the spew machine only to be told in no uncertain terms that she had now claimed the bed as her own and lovable batcaver should move on. 
6. After several hours of sleeping on the ground, lovable batcaver is awoken by the pitter patter of feet. Cheeka was back out of bed and inquiring why batcaver was on the floor and he should come back to bed. 
7. Wake up in morning to find spew on the floor next to the bed, and in the bed. Good times.

And that ended Phase 3. What an exciting night. But guess what? because we are great gentleman, the other part of the dynamic duo had his own stories about a lovely cheeka who lost her mind (It wasn't even a full moon)

Episode 2: Sunday Morning

Fortunately for the second half of the Batcave, Phase 2 didn't end in denied access to the Argyle, and Phase 1 was also completed at the same time as the first cheeka, at the same place, so it is quite a social query as to how one of them ended up shit-bombed earlier than the other one. Maybe we should do a study on that? But we probably shouldn't. Anyway, all phases were put on hold until the Sunday morning, when all those vodka cranberries and the human bodies general disgust with the the over consumption of alcohol reached boiling point. Basically there is only one story in the this episode:

1. After making it out of bed to have some breakfast, the two lovers went down to the breakfast buffet to eat some scrumptious food. This was fine. The part that is worth mentioning happened after 9 floors of vertical travel and a 12 metre walk, the lady wasn't feeling too well. Immediately. So after doing the old hand over the mouth, tilt head back manoeuvre, luckily there was a hotel cleaners wheelie bin nearby that had some clean towels. And that very towel remained clean for another 2 seconds. From there it was a quick dash to the hotel bathroom and once again, apocalyptic conditions.

So, that was our weekend, what great times we have. Luckily for these women, we enjoy their company because they are both nice and beautiful, but that can only get you so far. we aren't nurses, and we don't enjoy cleaning up things that come from places not outside the human body.