Recently we installed a super secretive email address where our devoted fans could write to us without being scrutinised by the public for actually reading this tripe. And we have had some glowing feedback about how good we really are. Unfortunately, there has also been some questions, like life questions. Someone, we'll call him "ScrillexFan22", has got it through their head that we are some kind of Google-esque "What Women Want" Search Engine. Luckily for him, we know everything about women.....................There were a number of questions posted, so we will run through them one-by-one. We did actually do this along time ago, back in our glory days of October 2011, but allegedly this "ScrillexFan22" isn't a true follower and hasn't read every single post that we have posted. Prepare for some wisdom here, and ladies, you can thank us later for all the lovely things that may come from this.
1. I'm really shy, and want to ask the smoking hot babe across the room out for dinner, I've never spoken to her but she seems nice. What should I do? - ScrillexFan22
Well, let's not beat around the bush, chicks totally dig shy guys. According to TV shows, women go to Gay Bars constantly to avoid being hit on by super confident and good looking dudes, whilst at the same time being told how good those shoes look and "I wish I had that dress". So keep being shy. The next step is to become Facebook friends with her, you should do your research first however and make sure that you both like EXACTLY the same things. For example, if she loves pony's, you are the worlds biggest fan of pony's. Once you have befriended her and charmed her beyond belief, as your Facebook alter ego is a totally smooth operator, then it's time to cook her dinner and bring it to her desk around 3pm. It will show that you can cook, and you are worried she is not eating a proper meal. And from here you can both get married.
2. I've been dating this girl for the last week, but she hasn't returned my phone calls or texts from our first date one week ago, is there something wrong? - ScrillexFan22
Absolutely not, you should keep ringing until she answers. She probably just forgot to answer her phone and reply to her texts because she had to brush her hair or something. be persistent, go to her house if need be and leave a freshly baked pie on her doorstep. She will love it and you will be going for date two almost immediately.
3. My new Girlfriend has taken out an AVO against me, but she only walked into a door. How can I get around this situation so I can smell her hair again? - ScrillexFan22
We aren't lawyers but it seems to us that she is just clumsy. Maybe cheer her up by baking a pie and putting it on her doorstep. if all else fails hire an orchestra to play love ballads to her while you serenade her with your beautiful voice (If you don't have a beautiful voice, just play her some songs by Seal).
4. Where should I bury a body? - ScrillexFan22
We don't know what this has to do with dating, but we assume that you have had a beloved pet die recently, possibly some kind of bird, and need to hold a ceremony. The best place would be in your backyard under an old tree. Its very pleasant and it means you can be with them all the time. Another alternative is to put the body on some sort of floating object, a Nordic boat carved out of a big oak tree will suffice, cover it in straw, twigs and some petrol, then fire arrows at it which have been lit on fire. It would be better to have the boat in the water before the fire starts.
5. Do you know any good lawyers? - ScrillexFan22
No
So there you have it, another crisis averted by us here at LeBatcave. You can now catch us on twitter, even though all we do is stalk celebrities to find out if they are in our area at any given time. Thanks for reading, keep those questions rolling in and we will endeavour to answer them all.
No comments:
Post a Comment