One Direction and a story about Nazis

We don't understand teenage girls. We didn't understand them when we were teenage boys, and we don't understand them now we are fully grown alpha males. The latest episode in our overall bemusement of the way teenage girls go on about things is One Direction. Let's sort this out using bullet points

• One Direction are some sort of band that made teenage girls cry. One girl said, "I can't help crying because they are so handsome". She is a Certified Idiot. We don't really know why she was crying, over even who these One Direction guys are, so just picture the looks on our faces right now
• These band members got together because individually they sucked the proverbial fat one, but as a merry gang they can make the Cheekas as wet as damp sponges. The only problem with this is that most of these teenage girls lining up in the cold, dead set frothing, are in fact not street legal. They are not any kind of legal. So One Direction, whilst on the outside seem to have secured a life time of trim in about 9 minutes, have in fact scored none, unless they are deviates, which we are not implying.
• WHO THE FUCK ARE ONE DIRECTION?????? Whilst we regularly tune into the news to catch up on the latest war atrocities and check out the economy, this one totally slipped under our radar. Just like Beiber did. We still don't know what Beiber sings. If Beiber and One Direction get together for a Christmas Album we will be totally confused. 

So, Thats our A Current Affair moment on that one. Next we'll be talking about shonky builders feeding the poor bread crumbs!!

In an unrelated topic, we wrote a Childrens book. Currently we are in negotiations to get this published. It's rhyming scheme is revolutionary and we think that children all around the world will learn some valuable life lessons when they read it. We heard the next Dr Suess being bounced around the publishers office.....So look forward to the future.

Whilst many of you sleep tonight,
hopefully all of you will not awake with a fright,
as even though your dreams aren't true
some of them will make you blue
A story for you is now what I'll tell
Involving a duck, some Nazis and a spell
Our story will start with a skip, a jump and a few lines of rhyme
but that is all over, and all in good time
Gareth Von Duck vs The Nazis
Once upon a time in the south of Germany lived a cute little duck and his "Oh So Cute" little family. They lived
in a pond that was void of contempt, all of their duck friends were friends with their freinds. But trouble was
afoot, and it was not of their doing, and in no time at all they were all spewing. The Nazis had come and occupied their
pond with out even asking, so it was up to Gareth to get the ball rolling.
On a warm summers eve, when the Nazis all partied Gareth snuck up and he started quacking,
With a flap, a punch and a kick to the nads, the General was down as were the rest of the lads. The Germans ran off,
with their tails between their legs, Gareth Duck had taken revenge. But that was not the end of Gareths little story,
as what happened next is written in History. Gareth grabbed an eye of newt, a puppy dogs tail, a bowl full of ice cream
and a glass of Pale Ale. He combined them all into a rich lather than said the magic words with out so much as a
stutter
"Be Gone, Be Gone, You Stupid Nazis, Higgle-di-di, Vom Vom Bazoo"
And at that very second, when he'd finished his spell, the Nazis all turned to each other and let out a yell!
The spell that was performed was to turn the Nazis into Snails! So as they all transformed around the pond, Gareth,
his family and friends started to smile. They flew around picking up Nazis with glee as now the tables had turned
and the ducks had gone on a killing spree.
So what was the point of this delightful child's tale? And why am I still ryhming, its making me go pale. The point children
is to always respect what isn't yours, you can always share but never steal. Especially from a duck who hates Nazis.