Review Snow White and The Huntsman
Starring: Charlize Theron, Thor, K Stew, a pack of angry midgets
What Happens: The classic fairytale comes to life (again) in this non-stop action comedy romance thriller. Charlize Theron is a total babe, but to become a more totally rad babe she must suck the faces off other hot babes who then become middle aged soccer mums. Because Charlize is a bit vain she talks to only two things: her mirror and her murder of crows. Luckily for her, the mirror speaks to her while the crows shit all over her freshly combed hair. The mirror tells Charlize she is a total babe but there is another babe in the order of K Stew. The babe-ness of K Stew is debatable. The mirror has his beer goggles on. Anyway Charlize hires Thor to go find K Stew and force her to eat 1000 apples, which follows the original fairytale. Luckily the film is set in winter time so Thor has to wear extra layers of clothing, this prevents everyone from feeling like they have failed at life. Anyway, K Stew and Thor fall in love, get followed around by 7 angry midgets who are only interested in the coal mining industry and then have a massive battle in the ocean whilst getting dive bombed by a shit tonne of crows. In the end, Thor smashes everyone, K Stew has a moody look on her face, and Charlize turns into a middle aged soccer mum.
What we think: It doesn't look too bad, especially the scene where Charlize gets covered in milk. She does tend to be a bit of a moody bitch though. The midgets are quite fascinating, because they are midgets, and Thor is always a killer dude, and thank the heavens he kept his shirt on.
Score: 5 Midgets out of the 5th Annual Short People Gathering in Miami, Florida
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