Are those Lancashire Pigs?

Once again we write through the eyes of sobriety, and as per our usual clauses and sub-clauses, our brilliant style of creative writing cannot be condemned for this reason. But we are getting quite good at most things, including life, so we are sure that the next portion of dribble will satisfy your need to want to stop reading and then forget you ever heard of anything called a Batcave. We are going back to our grass roots and just reviewing somethings for you, which we know you enjoy, especially you guys at Single Crowd.

Review #1 Hayden Orpheum
Where: Cremorne
What is it: It is, in essence, a Cinema. But it totals as an experience.
What Happened: The Hayden Orpheum is basically a cinema. It is also a time warp. Once you walk through the doors you step back in time to when you could go see a film, also get a newsreel, slurp down a delicious creaming soda and then have a box of Popcorn. In the 30's this would have cost a nickel. Today its costs an effing bomb!! But don't let that discourage you, because you aren't even in the cinema yet. Once you take out your mortgage at 9%, you go to this narrow room with a quaint little screen and an array of posh people with things to say like "We'll find that on the web". Plus they bring they're own rugs to the cinema to sit under in case they get cold, the poor dears. The Hayden Orpheum has an open rug policy. It can be found on their website, maybe. The next exciting adventure that you take part in is the ads. Usually at your run of the mill Hoyts or Readings you'll get half an hour of dribble about some guys car yard and then you get the previews, usually some exciting movie that you may want to watch in the future. If you're at the Orpheum, forget it! We now know when the Opera is on for the next year and a half, the exciting future of French Cinema through our now intimate knowledge of a month long French Film Festival and that the Crows Nest pharmacy is open til 10pm 365 days a year. The movie was quite alright. After two hours of being confused about a plot that was awash with mystery and dry English acting, we left. Having survived the artsy fartsy community and there rug wearing ways. A special note goes out to those super posh people who stayed to read the credits, loving that there favourite gaffer and best boy was involved in the movie.
Score: Ummmmm 6 Cinemas out of 18 french films. It was alright but it was heaps expenno and I can't handle people who don't call it the internet.

Review #2 Playing 2 Games of Touch in one Night

Kill. Us. Now. If the bathtub at the cave was big enough to house anything bigger than a new born baby, it would be filled with ice and then ice baths would commence. The problem with running is that once you stop, you get sore. And then all your muscles hurt, and then you go to town on a whole tube of dancorub. Plus now we have to stay up til the wee hours to digest our food because we ate too late. First world problems. But problems none-the-less.

Good Night Party Criminals, also go see Project X and get amped for parties, there might be another Batcave Party coming soon, so keep an eye out for that one, along with the childrens book, about ducks and Nazis, and possibly Sharks.