When Sex Offenders strike at 2am

Unfortunately this post will be quite vulgar. It will contain explicit detail on why the Batcave's premier seating location will be burnt to the ground, and why the kitchen needs to be bleached beyond recognition.

Here is a step by step timeline of the events that concluded in a Batcave that resembles more of a brothel than a home.

12:30am: Batcavers and colleagues arrive home, after a wholesome night of rugby, followed by innocent loitering in a Paddington pub.
1:00am: Bedtime, Hooray!!!
2:00am: All hell broke loose. City Lemsipper, Little Green Door and accomplice arrive with partying in their hearts and vodka in their hands.  People were woken and the peace was broken as bedrooms were invaded in a Kony style rampage.
3:17am: This is the time when the sex offenders decided it was high time to stop drinking and start fucking.  The foreplay started with sock puppetry, which soon evolved to sex in various locations around the Batcave, including sex on top of my business sock.  The kitchen is now called the Sex Forest, the nice lounge is now the Sex Dump, and the bathroom; Sex Hell.
3:45am: Little Green Door was spotted crawling from the kitchen in her birthday suit, looking lost and confused.  In a daze, she was handed a shirt to cover her shame. City Lemsipper was also spotted prowling around in his underwear looking for his next victim; a scene reminiscent of the famous Big Foot footage.
4:17am: After an hour of frivolity and desecration, the sex romp rolled into the bathroom.  We barricaded our bedroom doors and sat in fear, as the sound of witchcraft and wizardry reverberated through the walls - the clickety clack of heels and cackling laughter of City Lemsipper chilled us to the bone.
4:40am: The sex offenders left, not before the kitchen was a declared war zone and the microwave was no longer fit for cooking.

Thanks for coming over gronks.

9:00am: Not knowing if it was all just a horrible nightmare, we awoke to find the couch covered in dirty sex rags.  Jizz and squirt covered the floor - not a surface was spared.   Basically our family home looking all kinds of fucked up.

9:30am: Went to breakfast to discuss why we have great friends.

And that's about it. City Lemsipper........you menace. But on a positive note for you, you have been awarded the Batcave Merit Star of Excellence for gathering all the ingredients of a sexy Lez-off. Kutos to you